Syrian underwear

It's truly rare for me to come up two stories in the same day that would have been appropriate for Pillage Idiot. In addition to the post below about the Raelian topless protest, I found a link at Instapundit to an interesting travelogue. The travel writer ventured into Hezbollah-controlled Lebanon in search of "Alawite underwear."

Now, you might be wondering exactly what "Alawite underwear" is. The Alawites are a minority sect in Syria, but the current leadership is Alawite. Hence, Alawite underwear:



But don't get the wrong impression: Alawite underwear is not all white all the time.

If you read the linked travelogue, you'll see that the writer enlisted a couple of locals to help him find some interesting and unusual women's underwear, not that there's anything wrong with that. He claims not to have an interest in the underwear itself, but only in the search for it. Suuuurre.

I went to the Bekaa to visit the Roman temples of Baalbeck. I'd heard that, in the shops thereabouts, one might find examples of a notorious genre of lingerie made over the border in Syria--made mostly by men for women. Elaborately arabesqued wire-bras with feathers, some with battery-powered bird-tweeting sounds; others that glow in the dark; panties with flickering lights--an entire subculture of outré underclothes flourishing despite, or because of, repression in all else. Now, to be clear, I personally have no pronounced interest in lingerie, nor did I intend to buy any, but the adventure of the pursuit in such dodgy conditions promised a bounty of revelations.

Spoiler alert: The writer eventually was successful.

Some streets away, up in a second-floor apartment, she had a large stock room. Out came the boxes. We entered a wondrous universe. On one bra, each cup was imprinted with a semi-globe of the world and large sprays of cloth foliage branched away. There was a bikini bottom made of feather boa and mounted with a toy cellphone that played "Delilah" by Tom Jones.

A top and bottom pair was designed to look like black octopuses with tendrils outsplayed. And one feathered bra was surmounted by two tweeting birds in full color, powered by batteries. We had stumbled into a splendorous Ali Baba's cave, its contents flashing a multi-sensory extravaganza of arcane Oriental delights. One bra had open glittery red lips, where the nipples were meant to show through, and a fringe of red blinking lights. Of the accompanying bottom piece, the less said the better.

Well, I'm sure you're thinking right about now, "Does the article link to actual photographs of some of the underwear?" Why, yes! Yes, it does.






The last of these, apparently, is the one with the "tweeting birds * * * powered by batteries."

Now, I didn't realize until I did some further research -- all in the name of science, mind you -- that this Syrian underwear business is old news. There was a book published last year called "The Secret Life of Syrian Lingerie." In a review of the book, a writer describes class distinctions in lingerie:

Class distinctions are sewn and sequined onto lingerie design; working-class women tend to distinguish themselves from so-called ‘posh’ women who are considered boring in bed and pretentious. Most telling of the socio-economic divide comes from the views of women on who buys what in Syria. A story of a cleaning lady who loves to dress up in the bedroom comes to mind for Lena Lahham. The cleaning lady, who wears the hijab, has one with a mobile phone attached to the thong and puts it on when she wants to have sex. She would then call to her husband, “Dring, dring, dring,dring, are you going to answer the phone?”.

The husband, no doubt, replies, "I think it's a wrong number." Or: "Put me on the 'Do Not Call' list." Or, better yet: "Why do you have the phone on 'vibrate'?"

Anyway, the book has received other notices, too. In particular, the Modern Materialist has more photos.

And the BBC explains: "It stems from the Syrian tradition for brides-to-be to be given a trousseau of exotic underwear - sometimes dozens of items - usually by girlfriends, aunties and cousins, to add spice to their wedding nights, honeymoons and beyond. With a glint in his eye, Mahmoud, who's barely out of school himself, says 'some ladies keep coming back until their 30s'." There's even a video.

So what exactly do we learn from this story? We learn that we need to be respectful of all cultures, especially the ones with battery-powered, tweeting-bird underwear.

And we also learn that there's at least one thing destroying the fabric of life under Hezbollah that hasn't been blamed on the Zionists. But there's always time for that.

Hurricane Rael sweeps Miami Beach

In over four years at Pillage Idiot, the post that got the most traffic -- by a landslide -- was this one, about toplessness in New York pursuant to court order. Now, of course, the courts didn't order the toplessness; they just prohibited the government from barring women from baring all. For reasons I can only guess at, Google steered literally thousands of people my way, and I got at least 6000 hits from search engines for this one post, coupled with another 2500 or so from HotAir headlines and Ace, pushing my hit-count over 10,000 in a single week.

Given those 10,000 hits, which at the time constituted about 15% of my all-time traffic, maybe I should have reopened Pillage Idiot for this news (via BOTWT):

The Raelians, those quaint folk who think their chief dude had a UFO encounter in 1973 and believe that extraterrestrials called "Elohim" (not so coincidentally the Hebrew word for "God") created life here, have sponsored a "go topless" protest (link somewhat NSFW) for women in Miami Beach.

Do it for the Constitution!

Do it for the extraterrestrials!

Do it for the leering Eurotrash sitting with their mixed drinks under an umbrella out on the Lincoln Road mall on South Beach!

The Florida law does not allow [link NSFW] women to be topless in public but the police is very lenient about that in Miami Beach. So why would Gotopless want to make waves there? Because our wish is not only for our breasts to be "tolerated" while laying on the sand, we want to have the same right as men. Their chest is "tolerated" in every public place, why not ours? We dream to be able to walk down Lincoln Rd with our shirt open and enjoy the breeze on our torso the way some men do on a hot summer afternoon. We want women's bodies to be as free as men's are, that is our constitutional right!

And what do you know? An online poll shows 83%-6% in favor of the proposition that women have equal rights to appear topless in public. Then again, the poll was taken by the Cleveland Open Relationships Examiner.

Who shall live and whom we shall kill

When I was writing Pillage Idiot, I mentioned that I had theological problems with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur:

I have to say that for me, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are very difficult. Judaism is not very big on theology. It's a religion of practice more than belief. (Yeah, I know that's an oversimplification. Don't bug me about it.) But every year on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the theology is unavoidable, as hard as I try. B'rosh hashanah yikateivun, uv'yom tzom kippur yeichateimun.

The last line in Hebrew means "On Rosh Hashanah it is written, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed." This is from a prayer called "unetaneh tokef" that states that God determines at this time "who shall live and who shall die."

I don't plan to discuss my theological problems here, but I do want to give you some serious advice: If you're Jewish and you go to shul on the High Holidays next month, please consider staying outside for the rabbi's sermon.

Here's why: With his signature health-care "reform" program going down in flames, Obama is calling on rabbis to preach the, er, gospel next month:

President Barack Obama needs some outside help pushing health care reform, and he's turning to rabbis to get it.

In a morning conference call with about 1000 rabbis from across the nation, Obama asked for aid: "I am going to need your help in accomplishing necessary reform," the President told the group, according to Rabbi Jack Moline, who tweeted his way through the phoner.

Rabbi Moline's Twitter feed is not terribly enlightening, but it does say that Obama used the line "who shall live and who shall die":

"We are God's partners in matters of life and death," Obama said, according to Moline (paging Sarah Palin...), quoting from the Rosh Hashanah prayer that says that in the holiday period, it is decided "who shall live and who shall die."

If it's theologically troubling (to me) that God determines each year who shall live and who shall die, how much more troubling is it that Obama is saying humans should be God's partners in that determination? Jews have always thought of doctors as being God's messengers for healing people, but it's hard for me to fathom humans as God's messengers of death. (Yes, I know there are examples in the Bible.) Certainly, it's hard to imagine humans deliberately creating a system of medical care that will operate as God's messenger of death.

But Jews will not be troubled by this.

Back in 1993, when Hillary was trying to kill our medical system, the Commission on Social Action and Public Policy of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism issued a position paper on Judaism and health care reform. A sample:

Jewish values demand that we work to create a society where no one is denied proper medical care. We are all created b'tzelem Elohim -- in the image of God -- health is not a luxury, and it should not be the sole possession of a privileged few. Elderly people should not be required to impoverish themselves in order to receive medical coverage. As one of the oldest demographic groups in America -- with nearly one third more elderly members than the general population -- Jews must work to change the status quo where nursing home care is unaffordable for over 80% of elderly Americans. The health care crisis touches nearly every one of us. It is time for us to act.

Several years later, the Conservative movement issued a responsum (which I can't find on the internet) that argued that Jews have a religious obligation to support nationalized health care for everyone. Why? Basically because, under Jewish law, Jewish doctors have an obligation to treat impoverished Jewish patients without charge if they can't afford the service. This religious principle dated from an era in which the Jewish community was segregated from the rest of society and engaged in self-regulation. But it's extrapolated in the Conservative responsum to modern America, and it's used in support of the conclusion that American Jews, who constitute only 2 percent of the population of the U.S., should force the other 98 percent to pay for a massive government program so that the Jews can satisfy their religious obligations.

You think I'm cynical? Everyone has heard Jews complaining that the Catholics and evangelical Protestants are trying to impose their religious views on abortion on the rest of the country. At least they're not trying to make everyone else pay for it.

UPDATE (8/20): Lest I appear to blame Conservative Judaism only, Rick Richman at Commentary's Contentions passes along parts of a pro-ObamaCare email from the Union for Reform Judaism.

UPDATE (8/21): Via Volokh, an orthodox rabbi on the call had this observation: "Rabbis have enough difficulty understanding the nuances and intricacies of their own religion to be promoting specific policies in areas for which they have no expertise."

Signs of the times

Not news: Paz is the largest gas company in Israel.

News: Its slogan is "kol ha-energiah bishvil'cha" (roughly "all the energy for you" or "all the energy you need")

Pillage Idiot: Here is its sign.


Bonus: It was Mrs. Attila who brought the sign to my attention on our day trip to Haifa.

From the Attorney General's suggestion box

NOTE: A guy I know who works at the Justice Department sent this to me in response to the establishment of an online suggestion box by the Attorney General Eric Holder. His name is a pseudonym.


Dear Attorney General Holder,

This idea of yours to have a suggestion box is brilliant! Thank you so much. It shows that you have confidence in the career staff at DOJ in a way that your predecessors never had. Really, those guys mistrusted us as far as the day is long. I'm so glad to see this change in attitude at the top. And, wow! You're going to personally review as many of our suggestions as possible? I'm very impressed!

My suggestion has to do with wasting water. The urinal on the right in the men's room at Room 1549 in the Main Building won't stop running, and it's wasting a huge amount of water, which is environmentally harmful. Something needs to be done about it.

OK, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "Why doesn't he just call Building Maintenance?" But I have, repeatedly. Whenever you call Building Maintenance, you either get voice mail and they don't call you back or you get some dim, unhelpful person who says they'll get back to you, which of course they don't.

Cordially,
Lawrence R. Flambeaux
Criminal Division

=========================================================

Dear Attorney General Holder,

The water in the urinal is still running. Surely there must be something that can be done about it. Maybe you can do something?

Cordially,
Lawrence R. Flambeaux
Criminal Division

=========================================================

Dear General Holder,

I called Building Maintenance again today. Three times, actually. I finally got someone who told me there was an emergency at 1100 L St. and there were no maintenance staff available. Does this make sense? Don't we have enough maintenance personnel to cover more than a single emergency? And it's only one urinal, but lots of water's being wasted.

Cordially,
Lawrence R. Flambeaux
Criminal Division

=========================================================

Dear General Holder,

Believe it or not, I got a call today from Building Maintenance that someone was heading over to the men's room. So I met him there. I think you'll like this story. I started to explain to him what the problem was, as if any remotely sentient being would have had trouble figuring it out, and get this – the guy didn't speak a word of English! Not a word! "No problem," I said to myself. I speak a decent amount of Spanish – I'm not fluent, mind you, but I know a decent amount. So I explained it to him in Spanish. He just stared at me. Then he left a sign on the urinal, and it was written in Chinese – at least, that's what I think it was (could have been Japanese). I was pretty embarrassed.

But the urinal is still running and wasting water. And who's going to be able to read that sign, anyway?

Larry Flambeaux
Criminal Division

=========================================================

General Holder,

This may sound a little gross, but have you ever heard this? "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." I mention this because it ain't workin' here.

You know, I've always wondered whether that yellow/mellow stuff was just an excuse for guys not to flush after themselves. And personally, I find that really disgusting. But it's all hypothetical now, since Building Maintenance isn't doing a damned thing about the urinal in Rm. 1549.

Larry Flambeaux
Criminal Division

=========================================================

AG Holder,

Every day, I thank my lucky stars you and the President are in town. I almost said "thank God," but that really isn't appropriate for a government mail system. Separation of church and state, and all that. Which is something that John Ashcroft NEVER cared about when he was here.

I know a fact about Ashcroft that I don't think ever made it to the press. I'll bet you haven't heard this. You know that curtain he put up in front of the statue in the Great Hall with the exposed breast? The curtain was there not because of the breast but to cover a statue of Jesus that he had hidden there, attached to the woman's hip. I saw it with my own two eyes. I almost took matters into my own hands and removed it myself, but I know there are cameras in the Great Hall.

Damn, that made me mad!

Oh, by the way, I totally forgot to check the urinal this morning. Hold on a minute....

Yeah, it's still running.

Larry/Crim

=========================================================

Attorney General Holder,

Speaking of the Great Hall, which I mentioned in my previous message, I heard your speech at the African-American History Month event in the Great Hall back in February, and I say, Bravo! What was it you said? We're a nation of cowards for not speaking about race? I think I'm pretty brave, but I guess I really am a coward.

I don't know if you've heard this about me – it's well known in my section, but I'm not sure it's made its way up to the 5th floor – but I've been having some problems in my marriage. You know, most guys have problems with their mothers in law, but mine is cool. It's my father in law who's the problem. The guy is a total stinking drunk. It's scary! And he's got a foul mouth and is a racist to top it off. When he's drunk, he makes David Duke sound like Martin Luther King, Jr., if you know what I mean. I've had a bunch of run-ins with him, and my wife agrees with me, or so she says, but she's so loyal to him because he's her father, she just sticks up for him all the time. I can't stand it. And it's caused a lot of friction between us.

So how can I not be a coward if speaking about race is causing this kind of trouble for me? I've been mulling that problem since you gave your speech a couple of months ago. Maybe you have an idea?

I've started to think about this conundrum all the time, in the strangest places – like the men's room – which reminds me that Building Maintenance still hasn't fixed the urinal.

LRF/Crim

=========================================================

AG Holder,

May I call you Eric? I feel as if we've become very close after I wrote you about my marital problems. I don't know. I'm a little uncomfortable with it, so you tell me. If you think I'm being too familiar, let me know. OK?

I have to tell you about my latest trouble with Building Maintenance. Today, I called again, and the phone rang four times before it rolled over. Naturally, I expected it to go to voice mail – or perhaps someone's cell phone. But after three more rings, someone picked up and answered, "Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza. Would you like to place an order?"

Domino's! Isn't the owner of Domino's one of those crazy baby-hugging anti-abortion freaks? And the pizza sucks, too. Yuck! That Manhattan Deli place, though, is really good. I recommend it. It's at the Navy Memorial across the street.

So, anyway, no luck with the running urinal today.

Larry

=========================================================

AG Holder,

I know how busy you must be, with all of the things going on at DOJ and having to make decisions about prosecuting former DOJ officials – torture is serious business. But so is this problem with the urinal. I still can't get Building Maintenance here to fix it.

Do you think maybe the Deputy Attorney General could look into this?

Do you think, possibly, he knows Chinese?

Larry

=========================================================

Eric,

You haven't told me I'd be too familiar, so let me call you Eric after all, AG Holder.

If you ever institute a Have-A-Beer-With-A-Career-Guy Day, I'll be the first to volunteer. I'd really love to talk to you in person. I've got strong preferences in beer, and I can show you a couple of truly excellent pubs and bars. Some have great microbrews. I actually ran into Alberto Gonzales at one of them, which almost led me to leave – what a scandal for the Department that he was ever here in the first place, worse than Ed Meese! – you should hear some of my stories about AG/AG. A political hack of the first order.

About the urinal that's still running, I've been thinking about sending in my own plumber, the guy who does a lot of work for me at home. Really talented guy, not too expensive, either. But my section chief told me the cost couldn't be reimbursed, and I probably couldn't get him through security, anyway. Not that he's a terrorist threat or anything. After all, he cut off his ties with Hezbollah nearly five years ago. I just mean that it's hard to get people in the building nowadays.

But tell me what you think of that idea? Suppose I pay for HALF of it myself?

Larry

=========================================================

AG Holder,

You're a miracle worker! Or maybe the DAG is. Whichever of you made it happen.

The urinal has stopped running. It's been fixed! It works again! Funny – I never thought I'd be so excited by a toilet!

I don't know if I should admit this – it might sound a little weird – but I was so excited about this that I stood beside the urinal and flushed it over and over again, just to watch it work. It stopped each time, the way it should.

Thanks again!

Larry

=========================================================

AG Holder,

Maybe it's too soon to bother you again, and if so, I apologize. I'd hate it if you thought I was a pest.

But here's the thing: We're always running out of toner in our machine in the copy room.

Can we talk about this over a beer?

Larry