Time to take a stand

Nature has been somewhat cruel to the fairer sex. Women undergo childbirth; men don't have to. Women have to contend with body parts that are hard to keep in place comfortably; all that men have to worry about is being kicked in theirs by some oaf in junior high school.

It turns out that women also have been disadvantaged by being unable to urinate while standing. I'd always thought that, for women, seated urination was thought to be the height of civilization, hence sitzpinkeln. I mean, if you're a guy of the male persuasion who's driving along the Jersey Turnpike or I-95 in Virginia, and you desperately have to do number one, you go into one of those horrid rest rooms that supposedly are cleaned about eight times a day and have to do your business in one of those smelly, dirty urinals. Fine. But at least you don't have to sit down.

If you're a woman, you actually have to make personal contact with the toilet seat.

So America being what it is, the home of innovation, we learn that numerous inventors (many of them quite possibly being men) have produced gizmos that allow women to urinate while standing up.




You can see some of them at the link, where it says:

Do you always worry about the sanitation issues with public restrooms? Have you ever had a full bladder with no bathroom at hand and the thought of peeing like a man crossed your mind? No more waiting, squatting, holding on or hiding! There are some nifty gadgets that allow the women to pee standing up without losing their dignity or worrying about the unclean public restrooms. All the women have to do is to hold these gadgets against their vagina and pee straight away in a standing position. Every woman, at times, comes across situations in which she has to pee urgently, so here are some gadgets that might come in handy.

Now, I know some of you have seen this link already elsewhere, but that's an occupational hazard for retired bloggers. My apologies.

I think I can make up for it by linking to the thread at HotAir, where I first learned of these inventions. The comments there are priceless. A few of my favorites:

Right…because nothing says “dignity” like putting a funnel next to my vagina.

powerpro on September 24, 2009 at 9:21 PM

What’s the point if it doesn’t look like a real penis?

4shoes on September 24, 2009 at 9:08 PM

And a personal confessional from one of the commenters.

I dated a girl years ago that loved to hike alot. She had something similar.

She called it the “Weenis”

We broke up.

portlandon on September 24, 2009 at 9:08 PM

Very sad.

BONUS: Something women don't have to contend with. (also via HotAir)

Underwear with firepower

Retiring from blogging was easy. But every once in a while, I come across a story that is so "Pillage Idiot" that I wonder how I'm going to be able to allow it to pass. So I don't.

Two words: Tactical corsets. (via Ace)

BoingBoing describes this gizmo as "a corset that's bulletproof, comes with pistol holster, pepper spray holster, and an 'interrogation pouch.'" Can you say "under armor"? (No relation to the athletic wear manufacturer.)

Sadly, the corset company's website sucks major eggs; the internal links don't seem to work for me on any of the three browsers I use. This image, though, is a classic:


Now, maybe you're a guy who's wondering how he could be attracted to a woman who wears a corset. Listen to me: You've heard of Gordon Liddy's cheesecake calendar "Stacked and Packed"? This lends new meaning to the term "packed." I'd almost like to order one myself, although just for the storage space, mind you. Guess I'll have to wait till they come out with a tactical jock strap.

Last summer, I put a post up at Pillage Idiot describing a German "bullet-resistant" bra. Feel free to click through. Or not. I noted an article there that describes " the world's first - and so far only - combined brassiere and gun holster," which also holds pepper spray. And I suggested that if such a bra had been designed in Germany, it would have been called:

ein Pfefferspritzpistolentaschebüstenhalter

Maybe it wasn't funny the first time, but I felt an urge to use that word again.

BONUS: Not quite related, except in immaturity level. You know how certain types of hard bicycle seats can cause discomfort in sensitive anatomical regions, like Union County, New Jersey? Here's a video that answers a similar question posed by Ace: "FAQ: How Can I Alleviate Some of the Pressure on My Sensitive Genitals While Sitting at the Computer?"


True excerpt from the video: "Loose trousers are best. Try without underwear."

Ace says, "Good call on the narrator. When you're discussing genitals, you want a narrator with an unplaceable and creepy foreign accent." Be sure to read the comments after watching the video.

And Mind the Gap!