For more photo comics, check the links at Pillage Idiot.
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Showing posts with label Barack Obama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Barack Obama. Show all posts
March 13, 2010
Joe Biden works his magic in the Middle East
For more photo comics, check the links at Pillage Idiot.
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February 23, 2010
Attila: The Opera
It's not about you. It's about me.
And it's also about opera. Riccardo Muti is going to direct the Met in an Italian opera called "Attila." Frankly, I've never even heard of this opera, although I've heard of the composer, some paisano named Joe Green. The Times isn't very helpful when it comes to actually describing the opera; the article spends more time on personality (Muti, apparently, is one) than on music. All we learn about the opera from the Times is that "Roman general Ezio plots with Attila to divide up the empire between them, Ezio sings, 'Avrai tu l'universo, resti l'Italia a me!' 'You can have the universe, leave Italy for me!'"
Based on that one line about the universe, I'm guessing that the opera treats Attila as sort of the Darth Vader of the Fifth Century. OK, so maybe I'm being a little unfair to D-Vade, who surely would not have foregone Italy. But you see what I mean.
Since the article leaves most of the remainder of the opera "Attila" to my own feverish imagination, I decided I'm going to make up the plot right now. It's all about me.
* * * * *
Here is a short summary of the opera, as I conceive it:
Act I.
When the curtain rises, a shepherd and his sheep are seen on the hillside of what is now northern Italy. The sheep sing "Pasta e fagioli," a song in which they complain of their bean-laden diet, which they fear will lead to increased methane emissions and possibly cause the Medieval Warm Period in a few centuries.
In the next scene, the sheep are seated in the village wine bar, where they are being served by several extremely robust women in odd costumes featuring helmets and breastplates, who sing loudly about something, but we're not sure exactly what.
In a darkened corner of the wine bar, lit only with a single red spotlight, the village mayor, Barachi, is singing marcatissimo to his mother on his cell phone. In his aria "Ma, la mamma" ("But Ma!"), Barachi tries to explain to his mother that cell phones won't even be invented for another 1500 years.
We move to the village square, where Barachi's wife, Michaela, warns the villagers that Attila and his obese Huns have been sighted leaving the wurst and sauerkraut restaurant near Exit 14B-flat on the Eselbahn. It is only a short trip from there to the village. She urges the local militia members to gird their loins for battle. The militia members reply that they no longer have any loins, having been forced to sell them as a result of bad real estate deals. Singing "Il predecessore" ("The predecessor"), they blame the former mayor, nicknamed "Il Cespulio" ("The Bush").
As the militia members sing the well known chorus "Perché dovrei preoccuparmi" (roughly, "What, me worry?"), Attila and his Huns ride into town on their bicycles, stark naked except for loincloths. Attila, who by the way is a baritone, and not some typical, effeminate tenor, orders his men to burn down the wine bar. Barachi and the robust women escape, but, sadly, the sheep are roasted in the fire. One hears the sheep singing "Fa caldo qui dentro" ("It's hot in here"). Attila and Barachi and the entire village close Act I with a raucous banquet of roast lamb, singing the finale "O, il gusto di montone" ("Oh, the taste of mutton").
Act II.
The curtain rises as Attila awakens from a lamb-induced slumber. He belches. Then he sings the "pussy cat" aria, so named because in the aria Attila calls Roman general Ezio a pussy (cat) for offering Attila the universe if Ezio can just have Italy ("Avrai tu l'universo, resti l'Italia a me"). Attila mocks, "Chi diavolo vuole l'Italia? La pizza succhia uova." ("Who the hell wants Italy? The pizza sucks eggs.").
In the next scene, the village maidens appear in the village square and ponder, in a complex four-part contrapuntal chorus, why the savage yet very attractive Huns have not been molesting them: "Forse abbiamo bisogno di dimostrare più scissione" ("Perhaps we need to show more cleavage"). The Huns appear and explain the reason. Riding a bicycle while wearing only a loincloth has wreaked havoc on their private parts: "I pericoli del perineo" ("The perils of perineum"). Attila enters. He catches the eye of the fairest of the maidens and sings to her, "Siete deliziose" ("You are delectable" -- often translated as "I would enjoy you as my next meal"). Meanwhile, Barachi and Michaela join the maidens and Huns and reminisce about their own courtship: "Appuntamento al buio" ("Blind date").
There follows a reprise of Pasta e fagioli, this time sung by the militia members, with appropriate sound effects. They laugh about the effect of methane emissions on global warming in a choral piece entitled "La mazza da hockey" ("The hockey stick"). Trying to impress the fairest maiden with his comparative sophistication, Attila sings "Giovanile!" ("Juvenile!").
In the opera's finale, Attila marries the fairest maiden in a Hun-like ceremony. A festive meal is prepared: deep-fried turkey, using a frozen bird, despite a stern warning from the Underwriters Laboratories. Needless to say, the fryer collapses, spilling super-heated oil onto the wooden platform and starting an enormous fire. All sing "Infiammato!" ("On fire!"). When Barachi frantically tries to line up the village militia to put out the fire, the militia members tell him they no longer have water, having been forced to sell it as a result of bad real estate deals. Attila and Mrs. Attila leave the village on his bicycle, Harley-style, with Mrs. Attila on back. Unlike the Hun, who is still clothed in a loincloth, Mrs. Attila wears something tasteful.
Everyone sings very loudly, for no particular reason, and the curtain falls.
And it's also about opera. Riccardo Muti is going to direct the Met in an Italian opera called "Attila." Frankly, I've never even heard of this opera, although I've heard of the composer, some paisano named Joe Green. The Times isn't very helpful when it comes to actually describing the opera; the article spends more time on personality (Muti, apparently, is one) than on music. All we learn about the opera from the Times is that "Roman general Ezio plots with Attila to divide up the empire between them, Ezio sings, 'Avrai tu l'universo, resti l'Italia a me!' 'You can have the universe, leave Italy for me!'"
Based on that one line about the universe, I'm guessing that the opera treats Attila as sort of the Darth Vader of the Fifth Century. OK, so maybe I'm being a little unfair to D-Vade, who surely would not have foregone Italy. But you see what I mean.
Since the article leaves most of the remainder of the opera "Attila" to my own feverish imagination, I decided I'm going to make up the plot right now. It's all about me.
Here is a short summary of the opera, as I conceive it:
Act I.
When the curtain rises, a shepherd and his sheep are seen on the hillside of what is now northern Italy. The sheep sing "Pasta e fagioli," a song in which they complain of their bean-laden diet, which they fear will lead to increased methane emissions and possibly cause the Medieval Warm Period in a few centuries.
In the next scene, the sheep are seated in the village wine bar, where they are being served by several extremely robust women in odd costumes featuring helmets and breastplates, who sing loudly about something, but we're not sure exactly what.
In a darkened corner of the wine bar, lit only with a single red spotlight, the village mayor, Barachi, is singing marcatissimo to his mother on his cell phone. In his aria "Ma, la mamma" ("But Ma!"), Barachi tries to explain to his mother that cell phones won't even be invented for another 1500 years.
We move to the village square, where Barachi's wife, Michaela, warns the villagers that Attila and his obese Huns have been sighted leaving the wurst and sauerkraut restaurant near Exit 14B-flat on the Eselbahn. It is only a short trip from there to the village. She urges the local militia members to gird their loins for battle. The militia members reply that they no longer have any loins, having been forced to sell them as a result of bad real estate deals. Singing "Il predecessore" ("The predecessor"), they blame the former mayor, nicknamed "Il Cespulio" ("The Bush").
As the militia members sing the well known chorus "Perché dovrei preoccuparmi" (roughly, "What, me worry?"), Attila and his Huns ride into town on their bicycles, stark naked except for loincloths. Attila, who by the way is a baritone, and not some typical, effeminate tenor, orders his men to burn down the wine bar. Barachi and the robust women escape, but, sadly, the sheep are roasted in the fire. One hears the sheep singing "Fa caldo qui dentro" ("It's hot in here"). Attila and Barachi and the entire village close Act I with a raucous banquet of roast lamb, singing the finale "O, il gusto di montone" ("Oh, the taste of mutton").
Act II.
The curtain rises as Attila awakens from a lamb-induced slumber. He belches. Then he sings the "pussy cat" aria, so named because in the aria Attila calls Roman general Ezio a pussy (cat) for offering Attila the universe if Ezio can just have Italy ("Avrai tu l'universo, resti l'Italia a me"). Attila mocks, "Chi diavolo vuole l'Italia? La pizza succhia uova." ("Who the hell wants Italy? The pizza sucks eggs.").
In the next scene, the village maidens appear in the village square and ponder, in a complex four-part contrapuntal chorus, why the savage yet very attractive Huns have not been molesting them: "Forse abbiamo bisogno di dimostrare più scissione" ("Perhaps we need to show more cleavage"). The Huns appear and explain the reason. Riding a bicycle while wearing only a loincloth has wreaked havoc on their private parts: "I pericoli del perineo" ("The perils of perineum"). Attila enters. He catches the eye of the fairest of the maidens and sings to her, "Siete deliziose" ("You are delectable" -- often translated as "I would enjoy you as my next meal"). Meanwhile, Barachi and Michaela join the maidens and Huns and reminisce about their own courtship: "Appuntamento al buio" ("Blind date").
There follows a reprise of Pasta e fagioli, this time sung by the militia members, with appropriate sound effects. They laugh about the effect of methane emissions on global warming in a choral piece entitled "La mazza da hockey" ("The hockey stick"). Trying to impress the fairest maiden with his comparative sophistication, Attila sings "Giovanile!" ("Juvenile!").
In the opera's finale, Attila marries the fairest maiden in a Hun-like ceremony. A festive meal is prepared: deep-fried turkey, using a frozen bird, despite a stern warning from the Underwriters Laboratories. Needless to say, the fryer collapses, spilling super-heated oil onto the wooden platform and starting an enormous fire. All sing "Infiammato!" ("On fire!"). When Barachi frantically tries to line up the village militia to put out the fire, the militia members tell him they no longer have water, having been forced to sell it as a result of bad real estate deals. Attila and Mrs. Attila leave the village on his bicycle, Harley-style, with Mrs. Attila on back. Unlike the Hun, who is still clothed in a loincloth, Mrs. Attila wears something tasteful.
Everyone sings very loudly, for no particular reason, and the curtain falls.
January 28, 2010
January 24, 2010
Barack Barbie speaks
Obama's recent comments on the middle east led me to think of Barbie. As always, click on the image to enlarge it.
From Politico:
From Politico:
The other area which I think is worth noting, is that the Middle East peace process has not moved forward. And I think it's fair to say for all our efforts at early engagement, is not where I want it to be.
Why is that? My sense of it is that Mitchell spent a number of months negotiating a settlement deal and saw some progress from the Israelis and kind of got blinded by that, because he didn't see that that it wasn't sufficient progress for the Palestinians.
I'll be honest with you. A: This is just really hard. Even for a guy like George Mitchell who helped bring about the peace in Northern Ireland.
November 8, 2009
A Met fan's lament
This post is as much about politics as it is about baseball. If you don't like that, please don't read this. Let that be my content warning.
From a Met fan's perspective, the absolutely worst combination of teams to reach the World Series would be the Yankees and the Phillies. Which, of course, is exactly the two teams who played in this past Series. This put Met fans in a terrible bind: which team to root for or against? Although this was a subject of a lot of debate among Met fans, the answer was clear to me, and I'll quote myself: "I look at the Yanks-Phils World Series the way I looked at the Iran-Iraq war in the 80s." But since both teams couldn't lose, I ended up reluctantly and half-heartedly rooting for the Yankees, because even though the Phillies are an excellent team, and played with style reminiscent of the 1986 Mets, they are total jerks.
So the other day, after the tickertape parade for the Yankees was over, I finally read some articles about the World Series in the newspaper. And it hit me. The Yankees -- arrogant, cocky, tough, determined to win at all costs -- didn't care what others thought of them. It was just like the good old days: George W. Bush's America.
And then I started thinking about the Mets. What did they do?
Now, listen to me for a minute here, and let me flesh out this analogy. I admit it's far from perfect, and I'll point out myself some of the flaws as we go along.
1. Johan Santana stars as Barack Obama.
2. Luis Castillo as Joe Biden.
3. David Wright as Hillary Clinton.
4. Tony Bernazard as Rahm Emanuel.
5. Omar Minaya as David Axelrod.
OK, OK, stop complaining. I've written this mostly in jest. I mean, consider how different they really are:Er . . . you see what I mean?
From a Met fan's perspective, the absolutely worst combination of teams to reach the World Series would be the Yankees and the Phillies. Which, of course, is exactly the two teams who played in this past Series. This put Met fans in a terrible bind: which team to root for or against? Although this was a subject of a lot of debate among Met fans, the answer was clear to me, and I'll quote myself: "I look at the Yanks-Phils World Series the way I looked at the Iran-Iraq war in the 80s." But since both teams couldn't lose, I ended up reluctantly and half-heartedly rooting for the Yankees, because even though the Phillies are an excellent team, and played with style reminiscent of the 1986 Mets, they are total jerks.
So the other day, after the tickertape parade for the Yankees was over, I finally read some articles about the World Series in the newspaper. And it hit me. The Yankees -- arrogant, cocky, tough, determined to win at all costs -- didn't care what others thought of them. It was just like the good old days: George W. Bush's America.
And then I started thinking about the Mets. What did they do?
- Spent huge sums of money, but things actually got worse than they were before.
- Often got to the middle of games, down by a run or two, and then gave up. They apparently decided that no team should try to dominate another team, and that it was probably the other guys' turn to win, anyway.
- Blamed someone else for every failure.
Now, listen to me for a minute here, and let me flesh out this analogy. I admit it's far from perfect, and I'll point out myself some of the flaws as we go along.
1. Johan Santana stars as Barack Obama.
- He's a lefty.
- He dazzles you with his stuff.
- You're so enthralled that you don't notice till the end that you've actually lost the game, 2-1.
2. Luis Castillo as Joe Biden.
- Brought in for stability, to shore up a position where the rest of the team was obviously lacking.
- Just when things are going really well, he makes a major flub.
3. David Wright as Hillary Clinton.
- A history of star power.
- Women are huge fans.
- Wears odd head gear.
- In new environment this year, was a major disappointment.
4. Tony Bernazard as Rahm Emanuel.
- Potty-mouthed tough guy.
5. Omar Minaya as David Axelrod.
- Interviewed by press and, with a straight face, speaks complete B.S. about everything.
OK, OK, stop complaining. I've written this mostly in jest. I mean, consider how different they really are:
- The Wilpons revere the past (Citi Field is all about the Brooklyn Dodgers), while Obama is still apologizing for the past.
- The media pay almost no attention to the Mets and are critical in those rare times when they do, but they hang on Obama's every syllable and feel a thrill up their leg when he speaks.
- The Wilpons were heavily invested in a massive Ponzi scheme, and Obama would never dream of investing in a massive Ponzi scheme, let alone setting up a massive Ponzi scheme himself.
October 4, 2009
A day in the life of Barack Obama
I. Breakfast at the IHOP.
Obama: We have sought -- in word and deed -- a new era of engagement with the world. Now is the time for all of us to take our share of responsibility for a global response to global challenges. But those who take actions that are dangerous to the world must be held accountable. Of course, we respect their rights as members of the community of nations. However, we are concerned that you, here at the International House of Pancakes, may be enriching your sausages and weaponizing your waffles.
Waitress: Our kitchens are used only for peaceful purposes. You can inspect them at any time.
Waitress: Any time next month, that is.
Obama: This is important. Would next year be convenient for you?
II. Afternoon: Coffee at Starbucks
Barista: What can I get for you this afternoon?
Obama: Chicago is a city where the practical and the inspirational exist in harmony; where visionaries who made no small plans rebuilt after a great fire and taught the world to reach new heights.
Barista: Excuse me?
Obama: It’s a bustling metropolis with the warmth of a small town; where the world already comes together every day to live and work and reach for a dream -- a dream that no matter who we are or where we’re from; no matter what we look like or what hand life has dealt us, with hard work, and discipline, and dedication, we can make it if we try.
Barista: Sir, that's very interesting, but would you please tell me what drink you choose today?
Obama: Let me be clear. We must avoid a false choice that will not serve our people or any people. We stand at a moment in history when the fate of each nation is inextricably linked to the fate of all nations -- a time of common challenges that require a common effort. And I ran for President because I believed deeply that at this defining moment, the United States of America has a responsibility to help lead that effort, and to forge new partnerships with the nations and peoples of the world.
Michelle: Coffee is a gift I shared with my dad, especially Starbucks coffee. Some of my best memories are sitting on my dad's lap, inhaling the aroma of a decaf double espresso with skim and just a dash of cinnamon. But I never dreamed that Starbucks might one day light up lives in my neighborhood -- along with about 14,000 other neighborhoods everywhere.
Barista: Uh, may I help the next person, please?
III. Evening: First Pitch at "Cominsky Field"
(Obama is on the mound, with telepromters on either side of him)
Obama: Nearly one year ago, on a clear November night, people from every corner of the world gathered in the city of Chicago or in front of their televisions to watch the results of the U.S. Presidential election. Their interest wasn’t about me as an individual. Rather, it was rooted in the belief that America’s experiment in democracy still speaks to a set of universal aspirations and ideals. It sprung from the hope that in this ever-shrinking world, our diversity could be a source of strength and cause for celebration; and that with sustained work and determination, we could learn to live and prosper together during the fleeting moment we share on this Earth.
(Meanwhile, in the team's box, Jerry Reinsdorf, White Sox president, makes an urgent phone call.)
Jerry Reinsdorf: Is the President of Brazil still in the stadium? Tell him he can throw out the first pitch. The way this is going, we're never going to start the game.
(An announcement comes over the P.A. system, interrupting Obama's speechifying.)
Announcer: The first pitch has been awarded to Rio de Janeiro on a vote of 84-13.
IV. Late night interview on CNN.
David Axelrod: I think there's still a lot of anger, skepticism, and distrust out there because of the arrogance of our predecessor, with all his cowboy diplomacy, and it's going to take a while for the President's overtures to be seen as a new beginning in our relations with the rest of the world.
Obama: We have sought -- in word and deed -- a new era of engagement with the world. Now is the time for all of us to take our share of responsibility for a global response to global challenges. But those who take actions that are dangerous to the world must be held accountable. Of course, we respect their rights as members of the community of nations. However, we are concerned that you, here at the International House of Pancakes, may be enriching your sausages and weaponizing your waffles.
Waitress: Our kitchens are used only for peaceful purposes. You can inspect them at any time.
Waitress: Any time next month, that is.
Obama: This is important. Would next year be convenient for you?
II. Afternoon: Coffee at Starbucks
Barista: What can I get for you this afternoon?
Obama: Chicago is a city where the practical and the inspirational exist in harmony; where visionaries who made no small plans rebuilt after a great fire and taught the world to reach new heights.
Barista: Excuse me?
Obama: It’s a bustling metropolis with the warmth of a small town; where the world already comes together every day to live and work and reach for a dream -- a dream that no matter who we are or where we’re from; no matter what we look like or what hand life has dealt us, with hard work, and discipline, and dedication, we can make it if we try.
Barista: Sir, that's very interesting, but would you please tell me what drink you choose today?
Obama: Let me be clear. We must avoid a false choice that will not serve our people or any people. We stand at a moment in history when the fate of each nation is inextricably linked to the fate of all nations -- a time of common challenges that require a common effort. And I ran for President because I believed deeply that at this defining moment, the United States of America has a responsibility to help lead that effort, and to forge new partnerships with the nations and peoples of the world.
Michelle: Coffee is a gift I shared with my dad, especially Starbucks coffee. Some of my best memories are sitting on my dad's lap, inhaling the aroma of a decaf double espresso with skim and just a dash of cinnamon. But I never dreamed that Starbucks might one day light up lives in my neighborhood -- along with about 14,000 other neighborhoods everywhere.
Barista: Uh, may I help the next person, please?
III. Evening: First Pitch at "Cominsky Field"
(Obama is on the mound, with telepromters on either side of him)
Obama: Nearly one year ago, on a clear November night, people from every corner of the world gathered in the city of Chicago or in front of their televisions to watch the results of the U.S. Presidential election. Their interest wasn’t about me as an individual. Rather, it was rooted in the belief that America’s experiment in democracy still speaks to a set of universal aspirations and ideals. It sprung from the hope that in this ever-shrinking world, our diversity could be a source of strength and cause for celebration; and that with sustained work and determination, we could learn to live and prosper together during the fleeting moment we share on this Earth.
(Meanwhile, in the team's box, Jerry Reinsdorf, White Sox president, makes an urgent phone call.)
Jerry Reinsdorf: Is the President of Brazil still in the stadium? Tell him he can throw out the first pitch. The way this is going, we're never going to start the game.
(An announcement comes over the P.A. system, interrupting Obama's speechifying.)
Announcer: The first pitch has been awarded to Rio de Janeiro on a vote of 84-13.
IV. Late night interview on CNN.
David Axelrod: I think there's still a lot of anger, skepticism, and distrust out there because of the arrogance of our predecessor, with all his cowboy diplomacy, and it's going to take a while for the President's overtures to be seen as a new beginning in our relations with the rest of the world.
If Barack Obama were Jewish, instead of the Second Coming of Jesus: Retirement Edition
Obama (shouting into his cell phone): . . . no, Ma . . . no . . . no . . . Ma, what do you mean? . . . what do you mean, what was I doing in Copenhagen? . . . Ma . . . Ma . . . don't you read the papers? . . . the Olympics, Ma . . . Chicago . . . no, Ma . . no, not drugs . . . Ma! . . . Ma, that's Amsterdam, Ma . . . not Copenhagen . . . no . . . yeah, Ma, been clean since law school . . . Olympics, Ma . . . no, Ma . . . didn't you hear? . . . we didn't get 'em . . . no, Ma . . . yeah . . . yeah . . . they told us . . . they said we were close . . . but . . . no, Ma . . . yeah . . . they lied, Ma . . . f***ing anti-semites, Ma . . . what? . . . oh, sorry, Ma . . . yeah, bad word, Ma . . . Ma? . . . don't hang up . . . Ma! . . . s***!
August 19, 2009
Who shall live and whom we shall kill
When I was writing Pillage Idiot, I mentioned that I had theological problems with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur:
I don't plan to discuss my theological problems here, but I do want to give you some serious advice: If you're Jewish and you go to shul on the High Holidays next month, please consider staying outside for the rabbi's sermon.
Here's why: With his signature health-care "reform" program going down in flames, Obama is calling on rabbis to preach the, er, gospel next month:
But Jews will not be troubled by this.
Back in 1993, when Hillary was trying to kill our medical system, the Commission on Social Action and Public Policy of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism issued a position paper on Judaism and health care reform. A sample:
You think I'm cynical? Everyone has heard Jews complaining that the Catholics and evangelical Protestants are trying to impose their religious views on abortion on the rest of the country. At least they're not trying to make everyone else pay for it.
UPDATE (8/20): Lest I appear to blame Conservative Judaism only, Rick Richman at Commentary's Contentions passes along parts of a pro-ObamaCare email from the Union for Reform Judaism.
UPDATE (8/21): Via Volokh, an orthodox rabbi on the call had this observation: "Rabbis have enough difficulty understanding the nuances and intricacies of their own religion to be promoting specific policies in areas for which they have no expertise."
I have to say that for me, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are very difficult. Judaism is not very big on theology. It's a religion of practice more than belief. (Yeah, I know that's an oversimplification. Don't bug me about it.) But every year on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the theology is unavoidable, as hard as I try. B'rosh hashanah yikateivun, uv'yom tzom kippur yeichateimun.The last line in Hebrew means "On Rosh Hashanah it is written, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed." This is from a prayer called "unetaneh tokef" that states that God determines at this time "who shall live and who shall die."
I don't plan to discuss my theological problems here, but I do want to give you some serious advice: If you're Jewish and you go to shul on the High Holidays next month, please consider staying outside for the rabbi's sermon.
Here's why: With his signature health-care "reform" program going down in flames, Obama is calling on rabbis to preach the, er, gospel next month:
President Barack Obama needs some outside help pushing health care reform, and he's turning to rabbis to get it.Rabbi Moline's Twitter feed is not terribly enlightening, but it does say that Obama used the line "who shall live and who shall die":
In a morning conference call with about 1000 rabbis from across the nation, Obama asked for aid: "I am going to need your help in accomplishing necessary reform," the President told the group, according to Rabbi Jack Moline, who tweeted his way through the phoner.
"We are God's partners in matters of life and death," Obama said, according to Moline (paging Sarah Palin...), quoting from the Rosh Hashanah prayer that says that in the holiday period, it is decided "who shall live and who shall die."If it's theologically troubling (to me) that God determines each year who shall live and who shall die, how much more troubling is it that Obama is saying humans should be God's partners in that determination? Jews have always thought of doctors as being God's messengers for healing people, but it's hard for me to fathom humans as God's messengers of death. (Yes, I know there are examples in the Bible.) Certainly, it's hard to imagine humans deliberately creating a system of medical care that will operate as God's messenger of death.
But Jews will not be troubled by this.
Back in 1993, when Hillary was trying to kill our medical system, the Commission on Social Action and Public Policy of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism issued a position paper on Judaism and health care reform. A sample:
Jewish values demand that we work to create a society where no one is denied proper medical care. We are all created b'tzelem Elohim -- in the image of God -- health is not a luxury, and it should not be the sole possession of a privileged few. Elderly people should not be required to impoverish themselves in order to receive medical coverage. As one of the oldest demographic groups in America -- with nearly one third more elderly members than the general population -- Jews must work to change the status quo where nursing home care is unaffordable for over 80% of elderly Americans. The health care crisis touches nearly every one of us. It is time for us to act.Several years later, the Conservative movement issued a responsum (which I can't find on the internet) that argued that Jews have a religious obligation to support nationalized health care for everyone. Why? Basically because, under Jewish law, Jewish doctors have an obligation to treat impoverished Jewish patients without charge if they can't afford the service. This religious principle dated from an era in which the Jewish community was segregated from the rest of society and engaged in self-regulation. But it's extrapolated in the Conservative responsum to modern America, and it's used in support of the conclusion that American Jews, who constitute only 2 percent of the population of the U.S., should force the other 98 percent to pay for a massive government program so that the Jews can satisfy their religious obligations.
You think I'm cynical? Everyone has heard Jews complaining that the Catholics and evangelical Protestants are trying to impose their religious views on abortion on the rest of the country. At least they're not trying to make everyone else pay for it.
UPDATE (8/20): Lest I appear to blame Conservative Judaism only, Rick Richman at Commentary's Contentions passes along parts of a pro-ObamaCare email from the Union for Reform Judaism.
UPDATE (8/21): Via Volokh, an orthodox rabbi on the call had this observation: "Rabbis have enough difficulty understanding the nuances and intricacies of their own religion to be promoting specific policies in areas for which they have no expertise."
July 4, 2009
Barack Obama's July 4 proclamation
July 4, 2009
WHEREAS the Declaration of Independence was issued on July 4, 1776;
WHEREAS its principal author, Thomas Jefferson, was a slave-holder and, some say, the father of his slave Sally Hemings's children;
WHEREAS Charles Beard's Economic Interpretation of the Constitution suggests that the Constitution was established as a counter-revolution by moneyed interests against poor farmers and debtors;
WHEREAS the Constitution recognized and accepted the institution of slavery;
WHEREAS slavery was not abolished in this country until after 11 states had seceded from the Union and our nation's second-greatest president had led a civil war against the secessionist states;
WHEREAS former secessionist states enacted "Jim Crow" laws and erected other barriers to equality of former slaves and their descendants;
WHEREAS this nation continued to espouse segregation in its armed forces through World War II;
WHEREAS uneducated forces within this nation continue to oppose our progressive efforts to spread the wealth around a little;
WHEREAS the economic conditions caused by the former administration have impeded our ability to create or save millions of jobs;
WHEREAS reactionary elements in this nation intend to use the July 4 holiday to protest the forward-looking changes effected by this administration;
WHEREAS waterboarding is clearly a form of torture, except when it is used on reactionary elements in this nation;
WHEREAS Israeli settlements are an obstacle to my cap-and-trade legislation;
WHEREAS the Secretary of State needs to be under constant watch;
WHEREAS the First Lady's arms are a sight to behold and very much better in person, especially when she places her hand tightly around one's neck;
WHEREAS Winnie the Pooh's real name is Edward;
WHEREAS we should not be forced to make a false choice between Mary Ann and Ginger;
WHEREAS it is puzzling how sugar cubes can retain their shape of a cube when sugar is granular;
WHEREAS colorless green ideas sleep furiously;
WHEREAS, if my telepromter doesn't stop adding stupid whereases to this proclamation in order embarrass me, I'm going to replace it promptly;
WHEREAS traditional July 4 celebrations include outdoor barbecues, which cause unhealthy charring of meat as well as increased carbon emissions;
WHEREAS hot dogs should be served with a spicy mustard or something like that, or a Dijon mustard, something like that;
WHEREAS the American beer consumed at July 4 barbecues has an excessively watery taste and an unnecessarily high caloric level;
WHEREAS the fireworks that are widespread on or about July 4 have led to the unnecessary prescription of Valium to small dogs and will be strictly regulated under my new health-care plan, although your dog will not be forced to switch his health insurance if he's happy with what he has;
I, BARACK H. OBAMA, Messiah and 1st President of the United States of the Era of Redemption, hereby proclaim that July 4 shall be the day following July 3 in the calendar.
I mean, July 4, what's the big deal about independence from Britain? It's just one colonial-imperialist power telling another colonial-imperialist power to take a hike. What kind of power could England have been, anyway, if you can't even play American DVDs there? Or so I'm told.
I'm a student of history, so I know that when Queen Elizabeth II said, "We are not amused," it spoke volumes about the British people. Perhaps they'd be more amused and smile more if they got their teeth fixed. And have you seen the ears on that doofus prince they have there? They're twice the size of mine. This is the guy who's in line to be king, mind you, the veritable Joe Biden of the British monarchy.
I know it's traditional on July 4 to thank our military men and women for their sacrifices, but they don't understand sacrifice if they haven't been savaged by Fox News on a daily basis. Besides, I'm doing my best to bring as many of them home as possible from our losing battles in Iraq and Afghanistan. Just the other day, Jim Jones was saying to me that the colonels in Afghanistan are asking for more troops, not fewer. And I was, like, "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?" And then suddenly it occurred to me: I don't even know WTF "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" means. Which is why I always do my best to stay far away from military matters.
So I think this day should be a time of reflection. A time to reflect upon the flaws in our nation's history, our repeated illegal and immoral interventions in the affairs of other nations, our mistreatment of our minority citizens and our poor. I urge all Americans to use this day to find some of the 6 billion or so non-Americans in this world and tell them how sorry you are. SRSLY, try it. Look for the meanest, most murderous, eyeball-popping hate merchant you can find and tell him, "Dude, I'm sorry about what my country did to you, but we inherited that stuff from the Bush Administration." And then, give him a hug.
Barack H. Obama
.
June 22, 2009
Top ten rejected descriptions of Iranian protests
Barack Obama, June 12
A lot of us have have opinions on Obama's response to the Iranian protests this past week that are based on our strong opinions of him, formed during the late presidential campaign. So I think it would be helpful to come up with an objective standard to decide whether his response has been appropriate or not. I suggest the following: Has he been stronger in his response than the French and Germans? OK, well, I guess we've settled that now.
Yes, I've read the Messiah's more recent statement, too: "'We call on the Iranian government to stop all violent and unjust actions against its own people,' Obama said in a written statement. 'The universal rights to assembly and free speech must be respected, and the United States stands with all who seek to exercise those rights.'" It's the old "we call on" of the State Department, the cold-blooded, emotionless "we call on" of the "diplomacy über alles" crowd that thinks the cause of stability and our desire to chat with totalitarians should not be threatened by standing up for freedom.
I've been mulling this idea of "robust debate" for a while, and I think it must have been the product of long meetings at which other terms to use for protesters in the streets meeting brutal and violent repression. Perhaps they even focus-grouped the phrase with volunteers from the foreign service and the Iranian Assembly of Experts.
So with the winning description "robust debate," I humbly present to you the Top Ten Rejected Phrases For What's Happening On The Streets Of Tehran.
10. Earnest negotiations.
9. Respectful persuasion.
8. Socratic dialogue.
7. Shakespearean monologue.
6. Talmudic argumentation.
5. Synchronized swimming.
4. Frenetic square dancing.
3. Bitchin' rave.
2. Drunken reveling.
And the number one rejected phrase is: Brutal and violent repression of the Iranian people.
From the "Couldn't Be Any Worse" Department: The weenie roast with Iranian officials at U.S. embassies is still on for July 4. Nothing's changed recently, eh?
June 2, 2009
Some questions for Sonia Sotomayor
In case you've spent the past few weeks on Phobos, one of the two moons of Mars, let me bring you up to date.
The President's nominee for the Supreme Court, Judge Sonia Sotomayor, said in a speech in 2002 that "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life." [UPDATE 6/3: She said something similar in 1994, too.]
I would offer a few questions for the judge to answer.
1. Does this apply to Latinos, too? That is, would a wise Latino man with the richness of his experiences also reach a better conclusion than a white man?
2. If so, would a wise Latina reach a better conclusion than a wise Latino, or would they reach equally good conclusions? Who has richer experiences?
3. Does it matter which background the wise Latina comes from? Would Latinas of Puerto Rican descent with the richness of their experiences reach equally good conclusions with Latinas of Mexican or Cuban descent with the richness of their experiences?
4. Would a wise African-American judge, with the richness of his (or her) experiences, also reach a better conclusion than a white man? Better than a white woman? Better or worse than a Latina?
5. Please rank wise judges from the following ethnic or racial groups of men and women in order of the quality of conclusions they would reach, given the relative richness or poverty of their experiences, starting from the highest and ending at the lowest:
(a) White men.
(b) White women.
(c) Latinas.
(d) Latinos.
(e) African-American men.
(f) African-American women.
(g) Chinese-Americans.
(h) Hawaiian/Asian-Pacific Islanders.
(i) Native Americans.
(j) Arab-Americans.
(k) Jewish women.
(l) Jewish men.
6. On a scale of 1 to 100, where 1 is a person with terminally impoverished experiences and 100 is a person with experiences that are rich beyond imagination, please assign a number to each of the racial and ethnic groups you have ranked in answer to question 5.
7. All three of Obama's nominees to the courts of appeals have been men. Will the one African-American man with the richness of his experiences reach better conclusions than the two white men? If so, couldn't the President have nominated men or women with richer experiences than theirs?
Thank you.
The President's nominee for the Supreme Court, Judge Sonia Sotomayor, said in a speech in 2002 that "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life." [UPDATE 6/3: She said something similar in 1994, too.]
I would offer a few questions for the judge to answer.
1. Does this apply to Latinos, too? That is, would a wise Latino man with the richness of his experiences also reach a better conclusion than a white man?
2. If so, would a wise Latina reach a better conclusion than a wise Latino, or would they reach equally good conclusions? Who has richer experiences?
3. Does it matter which background the wise Latina comes from? Would Latinas of Puerto Rican descent with the richness of their experiences reach equally good conclusions with Latinas of Mexican or Cuban descent with the richness of their experiences?
4. Would a wise African-American judge, with the richness of his (or her) experiences, also reach a better conclusion than a white man? Better than a white woman? Better or worse than a Latina?
5. Please rank wise judges from the following ethnic or racial groups of men and women in order of the quality of conclusions they would reach, given the relative richness or poverty of their experiences, starting from the highest and ending at the lowest:
(a) White men.
(b) White women.
(c) Latinas.
(d) Latinos.
(e) African-American men.
(f) African-American women.
(g) Chinese-Americans.
(h) Hawaiian/Asian-Pacific Islanders.
(i) Native Americans.
(j) Arab-Americans.
(k) Jewish women.
(l) Jewish men.
6. On a scale of 1 to 100, where 1 is a person with terminally impoverished experiences and 100 is a person with experiences that are rich beyond imagination, please assign a number to each of the racial and ethnic groups you have ranked in answer to question 5.
7. All three of Obama's nominees to the courts of appeals have been men. Will the one African-American man with the richness of his experiences reach better conclusions than the two white men? If so, couldn't the President have nominated men or women with richer experiences than theirs?
Thank you.
May 18, 2009
Pick a good one
Back in the glory days when Bobby Valentine was the manager of the New York Mets, one could always count on him for entertainment.
Like here, for example, where he's apparently signaling his hitter on a 3-0 count to "pick a good one."
So tell me now. What is it with the Messiah and his consigliere that they feel the need to signal "pick a good one"? Does it have something to do with picking a new Supreme Court justice?
Or is it just that they personally feel that need that must be satisfied -- the need we've all felt since the age of, oh, maybe two -- the need to pick a good one?
Possibly related: A blast from the past: The Messianic salute. Obama nonchalantly flips off Hillary and McCain during the presidential campaign.
Like here, for example, where he's apparently signaling his hitter on a 3-0 count to "pick a good one."
So tell me now. What is it with the Messiah and his consigliere that they feel the need to signal "pick a good one"? Does it have something to do with picking a new Supreme Court justice?
Or is it just that they personally feel that need that must be satisfied -- the need we've all felt since the age of, oh, maybe two -- the need to pick a good one?
Possibly related: A blast from the past: The Messianic salute. Obama nonchalantly flips off Hillary and McCain during the presidential campaign.
May 10, 2009
Always a silver lining
In 1981, his first year in office, Reagan pushed sweeping tax cuts through Congress. To get the necessary votes, Reagan had to agree to phase in the cuts over three years, starting in July 1981. I still remember the TV news coverage in May or June 1981, in which serious-faced news people -- Dan Rather comes to mind -- complained that Reagan's tax cuts weren't working (even though they hadn't yet gone into effect).
Contrast that with the breathless coverage of the Messiah's current economic plans. And in particular, contrast it with the headlines about continuing increases in the unemployment rate. (I'm far from the first to notice the tenor of current news coverage.)
I always laugh when the "progressives" say that news coverage is biased in favor of the right, because corporations own TV stations and newspapers. Anyone with the slightest analytical ability would realize that these news sources are totally in the tank for the man. Just from this Saturday's front pages:
WaPo, May 9: "In Poor Jobs Numbers, Hints of Improvement"
NY Times, May 9: "U.S. Jobless Rate Hits 8.9%, but Pace Eases"
So, of course, I started pondering what the headlines might have been for important events in history if Obama had been president at the time. Feel free to add your own headlines in the comments.
August 25, 1814: "British Troops Set Fire To White House, But Are Expected to Leave Washington Promptly"
December 21, 1860: "S.C. Legislature Votes to Secede from Union / Northern States Vow to Remain"
April 15, 1912: "Ocean Liner Titanic Sinks, Killing 1500 / First Major Accident in 35 Years"
October 30, 1929: "Market Drops Another 11 Percent, Less Than Yesterday's 12 Percent Loss"
December 8, 1941: "Japanese Planes Bomb Pearl Harbor / Many of Injured Expected to Survive"
June 14, 1980: "Candidate Reagan Decries 22% 'Misery Index', But Experts Trace Problem to Ford Era Policy"
September 13, 2001: "Fires Continue to Burn at Trade Center Site / No New Attacks on Next Day"
UPDATE (6/7): It continues....
New York Times, June 6: "Hints of Hope Even as Jobless Rate Jumps to 9.4%"
Washington Post, June 6: "Jobless Rate Rises, but Pace of Losses Slows"
Contrast that with the breathless coverage of the Messiah's current economic plans. And in particular, contrast it with the headlines about continuing increases in the unemployment rate. (I'm far from the first to notice the tenor of current news coverage.)
I always laugh when the "progressives" say that news coverage is biased in favor of the right, because corporations own TV stations and newspapers. Anyone with the slightest analytical ability would realize that these news sources are totally in the tank for the man. Just from this Saturday's front pages:
WaPo, May 9: "In Poor Jobs Numbers, Hints of Improvement"
NY Times, May 9: "U.S. Jobless Rate Hits 8.9%, but Pace Eases"
So, of course, I started pondering what the headlines might have been for important events in history if Obama had been president at the time. Feel free to add your own headlines in the comments.
August 25, 1814: "British Troops Set Fire To White House, But Are Expected to Leave Washington Promptly"
December 21, 1860: "S.C. Legislature Votes to Secede from Union / Northern States Vow to Remain"
April 15, 1912: "Ocean Liner Titanic Sinks, Killing 1500 / First Major Accident in 35 Years"
October 30, 1929: "Market Drops Another 11 Percent, Less Than Yesterday's 12 Percent Loss"
December 8, 1941: "Japanese Planes Bomb Pearl Harbor / Many of Injured Expected to Survive"
June 14, 1980: "Candidate Reagan Decries 22% 'Misery Index', But Experts Trace Problem to Ford Era Policy"
September 13, 2001: "Fires Continue to Burn at Trade Center Site / No New Attacks on Next Day"
UPDATE (6/7): It continues....
New York Times, June 6: "Hints of Hope Even as Jobless Rate Jumps to 9.4%"
Washington Post, June 6: "Jobless Rate Rises, but Pace of Losses Slows"
