Original NY Times Magazine cover.
Background.
November 29, 2009
November 8, 2009
A Met fan's lament
This post is as much about politics as it is about baseball. If you don't like that, please don't read this. Let that be my content warning.
From a Met fan's perspective, the absolutely worst combination of teams to reach the World Series would be the Yankees and the Phillies. Which, of course, is exactly the two teams who played in this past Series. This put Met fans in a terrible bind: which team to root for or against? Although this was a subject of a lot of debate among Met fans, the answer was clear to me, and I'll quote myself: "I look at the Yanks-Phils World Series the way I looked at the Iran-Iraq war in the 80s." But since both teams couldn't lose, I ended up reluctantly and half-heartedly rooting for the Yankees, because even though the Phillies are an excellent team, and played with style reminiscent of the 1986 Mets, they are total jerks.
So the other day, after the tickertape parade for the Yankees was over, I finally read some articles about the World Series in the newspaper. And it hit me. The Yankees -- arrogant, cocky, tough, determined to win at all costs -- didn't care what others thought of them. It was just like the good old days: George W. Bush's America.
And then I started thinking about the Mets. What did they do?
Now, listen to me for a minute here, and let me flesh out this analogy. I admit it's far from perfect, and I'll point out myself some of the flaws as we go along.
1. Johan Santana stars as Barack Obama.
2. Luis Castillo as Joe Biden.
3. David Wright as Hillary Clinton.
4. Tony Bernazard as Rahm Emanuel.
5. Omar Minaya as David Axelrod.
OK, OK, stop complaining. I've written this mostly in jest. I mean, consider how different they really are:Er . . . you see what I mean?
From a Met fan's perspective, the absolutely worst combination of teams to reach the World Series would be the Yankees and the Phillies. Which, of course, is exactly the two teams who played in this past Series. This put Met fans in a terrible bind: which team to root for or against? Although this was a subject of a lot of debate among Met fans, the answer was clear to me, and I'll quote myself: "I look at the Yanks-Phils World Series the way I looked at the Iran-Iraq war in the 80s." But since both teams couldn't lose, I ended up reluctantly and half-heartedly rooting for the Yankees, because even though the Phillies are an excellent team, and played with style reminiscent of the 1986 Mets, they are total jerks.
So the other day, after the tickertape parade for the Yankees was over, I finally read some articles about the World Series in the newspaper. And it hit me. The Yankees -- arrogant, cocky, tough, determined to win at all costs -- didn't care what others thought of them. It was just like the good old days: George W. Bush's America.
And then I started thinking about the Mets. What did they do?
- Spent huge sums of money, but things actually got worse than they were before.
- Often got to the middle of games, down by a run or two, and then gave up. They apparently decided that no team should try to dominate another team, and that it was probably the other guys' turn to win, anyway.
- Blamed someone else for every failure.
Now, listen to me for a minute here, and let me flesh out this analogy. I admit it's far from perfect, and I'll point out myself some of the flaws as we go along.
1. Johan Santana stars as Barack Obama.
- He's a lefty.
- He dazzles you with his stuff.
- You're so enthralled that you don't notice till the end that you've actually lost the game, 2-1.
2. Luis Castillo as Joe Biden.
- Brought in for stability, to shore up a position where the rest of the team was obviously lacking.
- Just when things are going really well, he makes a major flub.
3. David Wright as Hillary Clinton.
- A history of star power.
- Women are huge fans.
- Wears odd head gear.
- In new environment this year, was a major disappointment.
4. Tony Bernazard as Rahm Emanuel.
- Potty-mouthed tough guy.
5. Omar Minaya as David Axelrod.
- Interviewed by press and, with a straight face, speaks complete B.S. about everything.
OK, OK, stop complaining. I've written this mostly in jest. I mean, consider how different they really are:
- The Wilpons revere the past (Citi Field is all about the Brooklyn Dodgers), while Obama is still apologizing for the past.
- The media pay almost no attention to the Mets and are critical in those rare times when they do, but they hang on Obama's every syllable and feel a thrill up their leg when he speaks.
- The Wilpons were heavily invested in a massive Ponzi scheme, and Obama would never dream of investing in a massive Ponzi scheme, let alone setting up a massive Ponzi scheme himself.
October 22, 2009
Your official Pillage Idiot guide to SkyMall gifts
If you've ever flown on a major American airline, you'll know what SkyMall is. Inside the seat back in front of you, right next to the barf bags, you can find a catalog of odd, useless, and/or overpriced goods suitable for that next gift-giving occasion.
Most of the time, I simply ignore the catalog. I consider it one step behind the barf bag when I think of things I'd like to grab during my flight.
But maybe I'm being unfair. I returned on Tuesday from a business trip, and with nothing to do on the plane, I pulled out the SkyMall catalog. It turns out to have enough items in it to justify making some recommendations to my loyal readers.
Here is your official Pillage Idiot guide to SkyMall gifts:
1. If you're a dork with raging hormones, you might consider wearing a pair of these dorky sunglasses, because hidden in them is a video recording system that allows you discreetly to capture video of that chick you've been afraid to approach. That's not how they're being sold, of course, but I'm fairly sure I know the audience. Listen, they're certainly not the "catcher cams" that Fox Sports uses to show herky-jerky images of Oliver Perez's latest gopher ball.
2. This is actually pretty cool, if you ask me: A remote-controlled tarantula. You never know when you'll need one to rid yourself of your dear Aunt Mabel, who's been camping out at your house for the past two weeks and shows no signs of leaving. If Mabel isn't afraid of tarantulas, there's also a remote-controlled black-widow spider. Seriously.
3. I suppose Aunt Mabel wouldn't fall for the trick if the spider took voice commands, but here's something that does. Your teenager. No, only kidding. Your teenager doesn't take any kind of command, voice or otherwise. But a very realistic looking R2D2 does, and you can purchase it for only $169.95. C3PO not included.
4. It's not fair to say that Successories has jumped the shark, because it's always been on the far side of that shark. But I'm sure you'll love its collection of "The Inspirers," these absolutely awful likenesses of the greatest presidents in U.S. history: Lincoln, Kennedy, and the most recent Nobel Peace Prize winner, Barack Obama, with the inscriptions "Bravery," "Courage," and "Hope," respectively. As a bonus, you can have a similar likeness of Michelle Obama, our 45th president, with the inscription "Belief" -- if you can believe that. You can also purchase the "First Couple Diptych," a line I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole, or the "Presidential Triptych." My serious question is: Whatever happened to Bill Clinton in the minds of these people? Is he chopped liver?
5. More New York baseball stadiums were destroyed at the end of the 2008 season than ever before, and you, too, can commemorate the final pitches at Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium with these fine replicas. You can even buy a collector's showcase with lights. I'm puzzled, though, by the dates on the Yankee Stadium replica. The House that Ruth Built was reopened in 1976 after renovation, but Mr. Ruth died in 1948. Perhaps they should have used the original opening date of 1923.
6. Possibly the greatest item in the entire catalog is this one, which I strongly recommend you men wear to that pub down the street the next time you stop in there for a couple of brewskis. You're going to need a head massage after the blokes at the pub are done with you. This one had me laughing so hard on the plane that I forgot to activate the video recorder on my sunglasses.
7. You folks who think we'll need to give up all our modern amenities when we return to a prehistoric hunter-gatherer existence to combat anthropogenic global warming are dead wrong. Capitalism has saved us again. Check out this gizmo that uses wind and solar power to recharge your cell phone. Critical, because you're definitely going to need your phone when that mastodon starts charging after you.
8. If you're a guy and your hair deserts you like your past six girlfriends, you know what the solution is, right? Bathe regularly. Women like that. But as for your hair, try the concentrated power of laser photo-therapy. Because beaming lasers at your scalp can only help, and if it doesn't help your hair, you can still do your next business presentation on your scalp. Just don't lase me, bro!
9. And now, some equal time for my female readers. I haven't figured out whether SkyMall thinks women are its best customers or whether, instead, they think men will buy these things for the women in their lives, sort of like Victoria's Secret. Whatever the thinking is, there's a lot to choose from for women in this catalog. Here's a solution to a problem I didn't know existed: butts that aren't big enough. If yours is too small, have they got the answer for you! Try these body figure enhancing pads. That's their term, not mine.
Second, if you have bulges in your back, try moving that holster down and to your side. If that doesn't help, here is something to eliminate those unsightly back bulges.
Third, I didn't realize women had to protect their bras. I always assumed this was one of those few remaining caveman functions that men were responsible for. You know, "Always protect your woman's bras." That's one of the top rules in the guy's code of ethics. But still, marketers are selling devices to women to protect their bras.
Finally, if you're a woman whose neckline is too low, there are two possible solutions. The easy but boring solution is simply to change your clothes. I don't think your clergyman wants you to show up in that outfit, anyway. The more difficult but interesting solution is to turn to SkyMall for Covertiques, which are clever types of underwear that allow you to buy clothes with a plunging neckline but also let you cover it up. I can't say I follow that thinking. It seems like going out and buying a nice steak dinner, and immediately throwing it out.
Most of the time, I simply ignore the catalog. I consider it one step behind the barf bag when I think of things I'd like to grab during my flight.
But maybe I'm being unfair. I returned on Tuesday from a business trip, and with nothing to do on the plane, I pulled out the SkyMall catalog. It turns out to have enough items in it to justify making some recommendations to my loyal readers.
Here is your official Pillage Idiot guide to SkyMall gifts:
1. If you're a dork with raging hormones, you might consider wearing a pair of these dorky sunglasses, because hidden in them is a video recording system that allows you discreetly to capture video of that chick you've been afraid to approach. That's not how they're being sold, of course, but I'm fairly sure I know the audience. Listen, they're certainly not the "catcher cams" that Fox Sports uses to show herky-jerky images of Oliver Perez's latest gopher ball.
2. This is actually pretty cool, if you ask me: A remote-controlled tarantula. You never know when you'll need one to rid yourself of your dear Aunt Mabel, who's been camping out at your house for the past two weeks and shows no signs of leaving. If Mabel isn't afraid of tarantulas, there's also a remote-controlled black-widow spider. Seriously.
3. I suppose Aunt Mabel wouldn't fall for the trick if the spider took voice commands, but here's something that does. Your teenager. No, only kidding. Your teenager doesn't take any kind of command, voice or otherwise. But a very realistic looking R2D2 does, and you can purchase it for only $169.95. C3PO not included.
4. It's not fair to say that Successories has jumped the shark, because it's always been on the far side of that shark. But I'm sure you'll love its collection of "The Inspirers," these absolutely awful likenesses of the greatest presidents in U.S. history: Lincoln, Kennedy, and the most recent Nobel Peace Prize winner, Barack Obama, with the inscriptions "Bravery," "Courage," and "Hope," respectively. As a bonus, you can have a similar likeness of Michelle Obama, our 45th president, with the inscription "Belief" -- if you can believe that. You can also purchase the "First Couple Diptych," a line I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole, or the "Presidential Triptych." My serious question is: Whatever happened to Bill Clinton in the minds of these people? Is he chopped liver?
5. More New York baseball stadiums were destroyed at the end of the 2008 season than ever before, and you, too, can commemorate the final pitches at Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium with these fine replicas. You can even buy a collector's showcase with lights. I'm puzzled, though, by the dates on the Yankee Stadium replica. The House that Ruth Built was reopened in 1976 after renovation, but Mr. Ruth died in 1948. Perhaps they should have used the original opening date of 1923.
6. Possibly the greatest item in the entire catalog is this one, which I strongly recommend you men wear to that pub down the street the next time you stop in there for a couple of brewskis. You're going to need a head massage after the blokes at the pub are done with you. This one had me laughing so hard on the plane that I forgot to activate the video recorder on my sunglasses.
7. You folks who think we'll need to give up all our modern amenities when we return to a prehistoric hunter-gatherer existence to combat anthropogenic global warming are dead wrong. Capitalism has saved us again. Check out this gizmo that uses wind and solar power to recharge your cell phone. Critical, because you're definitely going to need your phone when that mastodon starts charging after you.
8. If you're a guy and your hair deserts you like your past six girlfriends, you know what the solution is, right? Bathe regularly. Women like that. But as for your hair, try the concentrated power of laser photo-therapy. Because beaming lasers at your scalp can only help, and if it doesn't help your hair, you can still do your next business presentation on your scalp. Just don't lase me, bro!
9. And now, some equal time for my female readers. I haven't figured out whether SkyMall thinks women are its best customers or whether, instead, they think men will buy these things for the women in their lives, sort of like Victoria's Secret. Whatever the thinking is, there's a lot to choose from for women in this catalog. Here's a solution to a problem I didn't know existed: butts that aren't big enough. If yours is too small, have they got the answer for you! Try these body figure enhancing pads. That's their term, not mine.
Second, if you have bulges in your back, try moving that holster down and to your side. If that doesn't help, here is something to eliminate those unsightly back bulges.
Third, I didn't realize women had to protect their bras. I always assumed this was one of those few remaining caveman functions that men were responsible for. You know, "Always protect your woman's bras." That's one of the top rules in the guy's code of ethics. But still, marketers are selling devices to women to protect their bras.
Finally, if you're a woman whose neckline is too low, there are two possible solutions. The easy but boring solution is simply to change your clothes. I don't think your clergyman wants you to show up in that outfit, anyway. The more difficult but interesting solution is to turn to SkyMall for Covertiques, which are clever types of underwear that allow you to buy clothes with a plunging neckline but also let you cover it up. I can't say I follow that thinking. It seems like going out and buying a nice steak dinner, and immediately throwing it out.
October 4, 2009
A day in the life of Barack Obama
I. Breakfast at the IHOP.
Obama: We have sought -- in word and deed -- a new era of engagement with the world. Now is the time for all of us to take our share of responsibility for a global response to global challenges. But those who take actions that are dangerous to the world must be held accountable. Of course, we respect their rights as members of the community of nations. However, we are concerned that you, here at the International House of Pancakes, may be enriching your sausages and weaponizing your waffles.
Waitress: Our kitchens are used only for peaceful purposes. You can inspect them at any time.
Waitress: Any time next month, that is.
Obama: This is important. Would next year be convenient for you?
II. Afternoon: Coffee at Starbucks
Barista: What can I get for you this afternoon?
Obama: Chicago is a city where the practical and the inspirational exist in harmony; where visionaries who made no small plans rebuilt after a great fire and taught the world to reach new heights.
Barista: Excuse me?
Obama: It’s a bustling metropolis with the warmth of a small town; where the world already comes together every day to live and work and reach for a dream -- a dream that no matter who we are or where we’re from; no matter what we look like or what hand life has dealt us, with hard work, and discipline, and dedication, we can make it if we try.
Barista: Sir, that's very interesting, but would you please tell me what drink you choose today?
Obama: Let me be clear. We must avoid a false choice that will not serve our people or any people. We stand at a moment in history when the fate of each nation is inextricably linked to the fate of all nations -- a time of common challenges that require a common effort. And I ran for President because I believed deeply that at this defining moment, the United States of America has a responsibility to help lead that effort, and to forge new partnerships with the nations and peoples of the world.
Michelle: Coffee is a gift I shared with my dad, especially Starbucks coffee. Some of my best memories are sitting on my dad's lap, inhaling the aroma of a decaf double espresso with skim and just a dash of cinnamon. But I never dreamed that Starbucks might one day light up lives in my neighborhood -- along with about 14,000 other neighborhoods everywhere.
Barista: Uh, may I help the next person, please?
III. Evening: First Pitch at "Cominsky Field"
(Obama is on the mound, with telepromters on either side of him)
Obama: Nearly one year ago, on a clear November night, people from every corner of the world gathered in the city of Chicago or in front of their televisions to watch the results of the U.S. Presidential election. Their interest wasn’t about me as an individual. Rather, it was rooted in the belief that America’s experiment in democracy still speaks to a set of universal aspirations and ideals. It sprung from the hope that in this ever-shrinking world, our diversity could be a source of strength and cause for celebration; and that with sustained work and determination, we could learn to live and prosper together during the fleeting moment we share on this Earth.
(Meanwhile, in the team's box, Jerry Reinsdorf, White Sox president, makes an urgent phone call.)
Jerry Reinsdorf: Is the President of Brazil still in the stadium? Tell him he can throw out the first pitch. The way this is going, we're never going to start the game.
(An announcement comes over the P.A. system, interrupting Obama's speechifying.)
Announcer: The first pitch has been awarded to Rio de Janeiro on a vote of 84-13.
IV. Late night interview on CNN.
David Axelrod: I think there's still a lot of anger, skepticism, and distrust out there because of the arrogance of our predecessor, with all his cowboy diplomacy, and it's going to take a while for the President's overtures to be seen as a new beginning in our relations with the rest of the world.
Obama: We have sought -- in word and deed -- a new era of engagement with the world. Now is the time for all of us to take our share of responsibility for a global response to global challenges. But those who take actions that are dangerous to the world must be held accountable. Of course, we respect their rights as members of the community of nations. However, we are concerned that you, here at the International House of Pancakes, may be enriching your sausages and weaponizing your waffles.
Waitress: Our kitchens are used only for peaceful purposes. You can inspect them at any time.
Waitress: Any time next month, that is.
Obama: This is important. Would next year be convenient for you?
II. Afternoon: Coffee at Starbucks
Barista: What can I get for you this afternoon?
Obama: Chicago is a city where the practical and the inspirational exist in harmony; where visionaries who made no small plans rebuilt after a great fire and taught the world to reach new heights.
Barista: Excuse me?
Obama: It’s a bustling metropolis with the warmth of a small town; where the world already comes together every day to live and work and reach for a dream -- a dream that no matter who we are or where we’re from; no matter what we look like or what hand life has dealt us, with hard work, and discipline, and dedication, we can make it if we try.
Barista: Sir, that's very interesting, but would you please tell me what drink you choose today?
Obama: Let me be clear. We must avoid a false choice that will not serve our people or any people. We stand at a moment in history when the fate of each nation is inextricably linked to the fate of all nations -- a time of common challenges that require a common effort. And I ran for President because I believed deeply that at this defining moment, the United States of America has a responsibility to help lead that effort, and to forge new partnerships with the nations and peoples of the world.
Michelle: Coffee is a gift I shared with my dad, especially Starbucks coffee. Some of my best memories are sitting on my dad's lap, inhaling the aroma of a decaf double espresso with skim and just a dash of cinnamon. But I never dreamed that Starbucks might one day light up lives in my neighborhood -- along with about 14,000 other neighborhoods everywhere.
Barista: Uh, may I help the next person, please?
III. Evening: First Pitch at "Cominsky Field"
(Obama is on the mound, with telepromters on either side of him)
Obama: Nearly one year ago, on a clear November night, people from every corner of the world gathered in the city of Chicago or in front of their televisions to watch the results of the U.S. Presidential election. Their interest wasn’t about me as an individual. Rather, it was rooted in the belief that America’s experiment in democracy still speaks to a set of universal aspirations and ideals. It sprung from the hope that in this ever-shrinking world, our diversity could be a source of strength and cause for celebration; and that with sustained work and determination, we could learn to live and prosper together during the fleeting moment we share on this Earth.
(Meanwhile, in the team's box, Jerry Reinsdorf, White Sox president, makes an urgent phone call.)
Jerry Reinsdorf: Is the President of Brazil still in the stadium? Tell him he can throw out the first pitch. The way this is going, we're never going to start the game.
(An announcement comes over the P.A. system, interrupting Obama's speechifying.)
Announcer: The first pitch has been awarded to Rio de Janeiro on a vote of 84-13.
IV. Late night interview on CNN.
David Axelrod: I think there's still a lot of anger, skepticism, and distrust out there because of the arrogance of our predecessor, with all his cowboy diplomacy, and it's going to take a while for the President's overtures to be seen as a new beginning in our relations with the rest of the world.
If Barack Obama were Jewish, instead of the Second Coming of Jesus: Retirement Edition
Obama (shouting into his cell phone): . . . no, Ma . . . no . . . no . . . Ma, what do you mean? . . . what do you mean, what was I doing in Copenhagen? . . . Ma . . . Ma . . . don't you read the papers? . . . the Olympics, Ma . . . Chicago . . . no, Ma . . no, not drugs . . . Ma! . . . Ma, that's Amsterdam, Ma . . . not Copenhagen . . . no . . . yeah, Ma, been clean since law school . . . Olympics, Ma . . . no, Ma . . . didn't you hear? . . . we didn't get 'em . . . no, Ma . . . yeah . . . yeah . . . they told us . . . they said we were close . . . but . . . no, Ma . . . yeah . . . they lied, Ma . . . f***ing anti-semites, Ma . . . what? . . . oh, sorry, Ma . . . yeah, bad word, Ma . . . Ma? . . . don't hang up . . . Ma! . . . s***!
September 26, 2009
Time to take a stand
Nature has been somewhat cruel to the fairer sex. Women undergo childbirth; men don't have to. Women have to contend with body parts that are hard to keep in place comfortably; all that men have to worry about is being kicked in theirs by some oaf in junior high school.
It turns out that women also have been disadvantaged by being unable to urinate while standing. I'd always thought that, for women, seated urination was thought to be the height of civilization, hence sitzpinkeln. I mean, if you're a guy of the male persuasion who's driving along the Jersey Turnpike or I-95 in Virginia, and you desperately have to do number one, you go into one of those horrid rest rooms that supposedly are cleaned about eight times a day and have to do your business in one of those smelly, dirty urinals. Fine. But at least you don't have to sit down.
If you're a woman, you actually have to make personal contact with the toilet seat.
So America being what it is, the home of innovation, we learn that numerous inventors (many of them quite possibly being men) have produced gizmos that allow women to urinate while standing up.
You can see some of them at the link, where it says:
I think I can make up for it by linking to the thread at HotAir, where I first learned of these inventions. The comments there are priceless. A few of my favorites:
BONUS: Something women don't have to contend with. (also via HotAir)
It turns out that women also have been disadvantaged by being unable to urinate while standing. I'd always thought that, for women, seated urination was thought to be the height of civilization, hence sitzpinkeln. I mean, if you're a guy of the male persuasion who's driving along the Jersey Turnpike or I-95 in Virginia, and you desperately have to do number one, you go into one of those horrid rest rooms that supposedly are cleaned about eight times a day and have to do your business in one of those smelly, dirty urinals. Fine. But at least you don't have to sit down.
If you're a woman, you actually have to make personal contact with the toilet seat.
So America being what it is, the home of innovation, we learn that numerous inventors (many of them quite possibly being men) have produced gizmos that allow women to urinate while standing up.
You can see some of them at the link, where it says:
Do you always worry about the sanitation issues with public restrooms? Have you ever had a full bladder with no bathroom at hand and the thought of peeing like a man crossed your mind? No more waiting, squatting, holding on or hiding! There are some nifty gadgets that allow the women to pee standing up without losing their dignity or worrying about the unclean public restrooms. All the women have to do is to hold these gadgets against their vagina and pee straight away in a standing position. Every woman, at times, comes across situations in which she has to pee urgently, so here are some gadgets that might come in handy.Now, I know some of you have seen this link already elsewhere, but that's an occupational hazard for retired bloggers. My apologies.
I think I can make up for it by linking to the thread at HotAir, where I first learned of these inventions. The comments there are priceless. A few of my favorites:
Right…because nothing says “dignity” like putting a funnel next to my vagina.
powerpro on September 24, 2009 at 9:21 PM
What’s the point if it doesn’t look like a real penis?And a personal confessional from one of the commenters.
4shoes on September 24, 2009 at 9:08 PM
I dated a girl years ago that loved to hike alot. She had something similar.Very sad.
She called it the “Weenis”
We broke up.
portlandon on September 24, 2009 at 9:08 PM
BONUS: Something women don't have to contend with. (also via HotAir)
September 17, 2009
Department of Cowards
Today is Constitution Day, the day on which the Constitution was ratified in 1789.
A friend of mine who works at the Justice Department emailed me this morning to tell me they offered a Constitution Day online quiz about the Constitution, which is great. Except for the fact that they apparently don't know much about the Constitution.
My friend attached this text, which I've turned into a jpg image. He chose C and was told that answer was incorrect.
(Click to enlarge.)
So if you wonder where Eric Holder's Justice Department stands on executive power, its position is that this power is exercised on Capitol Hill.
A friend of mine who works at the Justice Department emailed me this morning to tell me they offered a Constitution Day online quiz about the Constitution, which is great. Except for the fact that they apparently don't know much about the Constitution.
My friend attached this text, which I've turned into a jpg image. He chose C and was told that answer was incorrect.
So if you wonder where Eric Holder's Justice Department stands on executive power, its position is that this power is exercised on Capitol Hill.
August 26, 2009
Syrian underwear
It's truly rare for me to come up two stories in the same day that would have been appropriate for Pillage Idiot. In addition to the post below about the Raelian topless protest, I found a link at Instapundit to an interesting travelogue. The travel writer ventured into Hezbollah-controlled Lebanon in search of "Alawite underwear."
Now, you might be wondering exactly what "Alawite underwear" is. The Alawites are a minority sect in Syria, but the current leadership is Alawite. Hence, Alawite underwear:
But don't get the wrong impression: Alawite underwear is not all white all the time.
If you read the linked travelogue, you'll see that the writer enlisted a couple of locals to help him find some interesting and unusual women's underwear, not that there's anything wrong with that. He claims not to have an interest in the underwear itself, but only in the search for it. Suuuurre.
The last of these, apparently, is the one with the "tweeting birds * * * powered by batteries."
Now, I didn't realize until I did some further research -- all in the name of science, mind you -- that this Syrian underwear business is old news. There was a book published last year called "The Secret Life of Syrian Lingerie." In a review of the book, a writer describes class distinctions in lingerie:
Anyway, the book has received other notices, too. In particular, the Modern Materialist has more photos.
And the BBC explains: "It stems from the Syrian tradition for brides-to-be to be given a trousseau of exotic underwear - sometimes dozens of items - usually by girlfriends, aunties and cousins, to add spice to their wedding nights, honeymoons and beyond. With a glint in his eye, Mahmoud, who's barely out of school himself, says 'some ladies keep coming back until their 30s'." There's even a video.
So what exactly do we learn from this story? We learn that we need to be respectful of all cultures, especially the ones with battery-powered, tweeting-bird underwear.
And we also learn that there's at least one thing destroying the fabric of life under Hezbollah that hasn't been blamed on the Zionists. But there's always time for that.
Now, you might be wondering exactly what "Alawite underwear" is. The Alawites are a minority sect in Syria, but the current leadership is Alawite. Hence, Alawite underwear:
But don't get the wrong impression: Alawite underwear is not all white all the time.
If you read the linked travelogue, you'll see that the writer enlisted a couple of locals to help him find some interesting and unusual women's underwear, not that there's anything wrong with that. He claims not to have an interest in the underwear itself, but only in the search for it. Suuuurre.
I went to the Bekaa to visit the Roman temples of Baalbeck. I'd heard that, in the shops thereabouts, one might find examples of a notorious genre of lingerie made over the border in Syria--made mostly by men for women. Elaborately arabesqued wire-bras with feathers, some with battery-powered bird-tweeting sounds; others that glow in the dark; panties with flickering lights--an entire subculture of outré underclothes flourishing despite, or because of, repression in all else. Now, to be clear, I personally have no pronounced interest in lingerie, nor did I intend to buy any, but the adventure of the pursuit in such dodgy conditions promised a bounty of revelations.Spoiler alert: The writer eventually was successful.
Some streets away, up in a second-floor apartment, she had a large stock room. Out came the boxes. We entered a wondrous universe. On one bra, each cup was imprinted with a semi-globe of the world and large sprays of cloth foliage branched away. There was a bikini bottom made of feather boa and mounted with a toy cellphone that played "Delilah" by Tom Jones.Well, I'm sure you're thinking right about now, "Does the article link to actual photographs of some of the underwear?" Why, yes! Yes, it does.
A top and bottom pair was designed to look like black octopuses with tendrils outsplayed. And one feathered bra was surmounted by two tweeting birds in full color, powered by batteries. We had stumbled into a splendorous Ali Baba's cave, its contents flashing a multi-sensory extravaganza of arcane Oriental delights. One bra had open glittery red lips, where the nipples were meant to show through, and a fringe of red blinking lights. Of the accompanying bottom piece, the less said the better.
The last of these, apparently, is the one with the "tweeting birds * * * powered by batteries."
Now, I didn't realize until I did some further research -- all in the name of science, mind you -- that this Syrian underwear business is old news. There was a book published last year called "The Secret Life of Syrian Lingerie." In a review of the book, a writer describes class distinctions in lingerie:
Class distinctions are sewn and sequined onto lingerie design; working-class women tend to distinguish themselves from so-called ‘posh’ women who are considered boring in bed and pretentious. Most telling of the socio-economic divide comes from the views of women on who buys what in Syria. A story of a cleaning lady who loves to dress up in the bedroom comes to mind for Lena Lahham. The cleaning lady, who wears the hijab, has one with a mobile phone attached to the thong and puts it on when she wants to have sex. She would then call to her husband, “Dring, dring, dring,dring, are you going to answer the phone?”.The husband, no doubt, replies, "I think it's a wrong number." Or: "Put me on the 'Do Not Call' list." Or, better yet: "Why do you have the phone on 'vibrate'?"
Anyway, the book has received other notices, too. In particular, the Modern Materialist has more photos.
And the BBC explains: "It stems from the Syrian tradition for brides-to-be to be given a trousseau of exotic underwear - sometimes dozens of items - usually by girlfriends, aunties and cousins, to add spice to their wedding nights, honeymoons and beyond. With a glint in his eye, Mahmoud, who's barely out of school himself, says 'some ladies keep coming back until their 30s'." There's even a video.
So what exactly do we learn from this story? We learn that we need to be respectful of all cultures, especially the ones with battery-powered, tweeting-bird underwear.
And we also learn that there's at least one thing destroying the fabric of life under Hezbollah that hasn't been blamed on the Zionists. But there's always time for that.
Hurricane Rael sweeps Miami Beach
In over four years at Pillage Idiot, the post that got the most traffic -- by a landslide -- was this one, about toplessness in New York pursuant to court order. Now, of course, the courts didn't order the toplessness; they just prohibited the government from barring women from baring all. For reasons I can only guess at, Google steered literally thousands of people my way, and I got at least 6000 hits from search engines for this one post, coupled with another 2500 or so from HotAir headlines and Ace, pushing my hit-count over 10,000 in a single week.
Given those 10,000 hits, which at the time constituted about 15% of my all-time traffic, maybe I should have reopened Pillage Idiot for this news (via BOTWT):
The Raelians, those quaint folk who think their chief dude had a UFO encounter in 1973 and believe that extraterrestrials called "Elohim" (not so coincidentally the Hebrew word for "God") created life here, have sponsored a "go topless" protest (link somewhat NSFW) for women in Miami Beach.
Do it for the Constitution!
Do it for the extraterrestrials!
Do it for the leering Eurotrash sitting with their mixed drinks under an umbrella out on the Lincoln Road mall on South Beach!
Given those 10,000 hits, which at the time constituted about 15% of my all-time traffic, maybe I should have reopened Pillage Idiot for this news (via BOTWT):
The Raelians, those quaint folk who think their chief dude had a UFO encounter in 1973 and believe that extraterrestrials called "Elohim" (not so coincidentally the Hebrew word for "God") created life here, have sponsored a "go topless" protest (link somewhat NSFW) for women in Miami Beach.
Do it for the Constitution!
Do it for the extraterrestrials!
Do it for the leering Eurotrash sitting with their mixed drinks under an umbrella out on the Lincoln Road mall on South Beach!
The Florida law does not allow [link NSFW] women to be topless in public but the police is very lenient about that in Miami Beach. So why would Gotopless want to make waves there? Because our wish is not only for our breasts to be "tolerated" while laying on the sand, we want to have the same right as men. Their chest is "tolerated" in every public place, why not ours? We dream to be able to walk down Lincoln Rd with our shirt open and enjoy the breeze on our torso the way some men do on a hot summer afternoon. We want women's bodies to be as free as men's are, that is our constitutional right!And what do you know? An online poll shows 83%-6% in favor of the proposition that women have equal rights to appear topless in public. Then again, the poll was taken by the Cleveland Open Relationships Examiner.
August 19, 2009
Who shall live and whom we shall kill
When I was writing Pillage Idiot, I mentioned that I had theological problems with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur:
I don't plan to discuss my theological problems here, but I do want to give you some serious advice: If you're Jewish and you go to shul on the High Holidays next month, please consider staying outside for the rabbi's sermon.
Here's why: With his signature health-care "reform" program going down in flames, Obama is calling on rabbis to preach the, er, gospel next month:
But Jews will not be troubled by this.
Back in 1993, when Hillary was trying to kill our medical system, the Commission on Social Action and Public Policy of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism issued a position paper on Judaism and health care reform. A sample:
You think I'm cynical? Everyone has heard Jews complaining that the Catholics and evangelical Protestants are trying to impose their religious views on abortion on the rest of the country. At least they're not trying to make everyone else pay for it.
UPDATE (8/20): Lest I appear to blame Conservative Judaism only, Rick Richman at Commentary's Contentions passes along parts of a pro-ObamaCare email from the Union for Reform Judaism.
UPDATE (8/21): Via Volokh, an orthodox rabbi on the call had this observation: "Rabbis have enough difficulty understanding the nuances and intricacies of their own religion to be promoting specific policies in areas for which they have no expertise."
I have to say that for me, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are very difficult. Judaism is not very big on theology. It's a religion of practice more than belief. (Yeah, I know that's an oversimplification. Don't bug me about it.) But every year on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the theology is unavoidable, as hard as I try. B'rosh hashanah yikateivun, uv'yom tzom kippur yeichateimun.The last line in Hebrew means "On Rosh Hashanah it is written, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed." This is from a prayer called "unetaneh tokef" that states that God determines at this time "who shall live and who shall die."
I don't plan to discuss my theological problems here, but I do want to give you some serious advice: If you're Jewish and you go to shul on the High Holidays next month, please consider staying outside for the rabbi's sermon.
Here's why: With his signature health-care "reform" program going down in flames, Obama is calling on rabbis to preach the, er, gospel next month:
President Barack Obama needs some outside help pushing health care reform, and he's turning to rabbis to get it.Rabbi Moline's Twitter feed is not terribly enlightening, but it does say that Obama used the line "who shall live and who shall die":
In a morning conference call with about 1000 rabbis from across the nation, Obama asked for aid: "I am going to need your help in accomplishing necessary reform," the President told the group, according to Rabbi Jack Moline, who tweeted his way through the phoner.
"We are God's partners in matters of life and death," Obama said, according to Moline (paging Sarah Palin...), quoting from the Rosh Hashanah prayer that says that in the holiday period, it is decided "who shall live and who shall die."If it's theologically troubling (to me) that God determines each year who shall live and who shall die, how much more troubling is it that Obama is saying humans should be God's partners in that determination? Jews have always thought of doctors as being God's messengers for healing people, but it's hard for me to fathom humans as God's messengers of death. (Yes, I know there are examples in the Bible.) Certainly, it's hard to imagine humans deliberately creating a system of medical care that will operate as God's messenger of death.
But Jews will not be troubled by this.
Back in 1993, when Hillary was trying to kill our medical system, the Commission on Social Action and Public Policy of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism issued a position paper on Judaism and health care reform. A sample:
Jewish values demand that we work to create a society where no one is denied proper medical care. We are all created b'tzelem Elohim -- in the image of God -- health is not a luxury, and it should not be the sole possession of a privileged few. Elderly people should not be required to impoverish themselves in order to receive medical coverage. As one of the oldest demographic groups in America -- with nearly one third more elderly members than the general population -- Jews must work to change the status quo where nursing home care is unaffordable for over 80% of elderly Americans. The health care crisis touches nearly every one of us. It is time for us to act.Several years later, the Conservative movement issued a responsum (which I can't find on the internet) that argued that Jews have a religious obligation to support nationalized health care for everyone. Why? Basically because, under Jewish law, Jewish doctors have an obligation to treat impoverished Jewish patients without charge if they can't afford the service. This religious principle dated from an era in which the Jewish community was segregated from the rest of society and engaged in self-regulation. But it's extrapolated in the Conservative responsum to modern America, and it's used in support of the conclusion that American Jews, who constitute only 2 percent of the population of the U.S., should force the other 98 percent to pay for a massive government program so that the Jews can satisfy their religious obligations.
You think I'm cynical? Everyone has heard Jews complaining that the Catholics and evangelical Protestants are trying to impose their religious views on abortion on the rest of the country. At least they're not trying to make everyone else pay for it.
UPDATE (8/20): Lest I appear to blame Conservative Judaism only, Rick Richman at Commentary's Contentions passes along parts of a pro-ObamaCare email from the Union for Reform Judaism.
UPDATE (8/21): Via Volokh, an orthodox rabbi on the call had this observation: "Rabbis have enough difficulty understanding the nuances and intricacies of their own religion to be promoting specific policies in areas for which they have no expertise."
Signs of the times
Not news: Paz is the largest gas company in Israel.
News: Its slogan is "kol ha-energiah bishvil'cha" (roughly "all the energy for you" or "all the energy you need")
Pillage Idiot: Here is its sign.
Bonus: It was Mrs. Attila who brought the sign to my attention on our day trip to Haifa.
News: Its slogan is "kol ha-energiah bishvil'cha" (roughly "all the energy for you" or "all the energy you need")
Pillage Idiot: Here is its sign.
Bonus: It was Mrs. Attila who brought the sign to my attention on our day trip to Haifa.
August 9, 2009
From the Attorney General's suggestion box
NOTE: A guy I know who works at the Justice Department sent this to me in response to the establishment of an online suggestion box by the Attorney General Eric Holder. His name is a pseudonym.
Dear Attorney General Holder,
This idea of yours to have a suggestion box is brilliant! Thank you so much. It shows that you have confidence in the career staff at DOJ in a way that your predecessors never had. Really, those guys mistrusted us as far as the day is long. I'm so glad to see this change in attitude at the top. And, wow! You're going to personally review as many of our suggestions as possible? I'm very impressed!
My suggestion has to do with wasting water. The urinal on the right in the men's room at Room 1549 in the Main Building won't stop running, and it's wasting a huge amount of water, which is environmentally harmful. Something needs to be done about it.
OK, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "Why doesn't he just call Building Maintenance?" But I have, repeatedly. Whenever you call Building Maintenance, you either get voice mail and they don't call you back or you get some dim, unhelpful person who says they'll get back to you, which of course they don't.
Cordially,
Lawrence R. Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
Dear Attorney General Holder,
The water in the urinal is still running. Surely there must be something that can be done about it. Maybe you can do something?
Cordially,
Lawrence R. Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
Dear General Holder,
I called Building Maintenance again today. Three times, actually. I finally got someone who told me there was an emergency at 1100 L St. and there were no maintenance staff available. Does this make sense? Don't we have enough maintenance personnel to cover more than a single emergency? And it's only one urinal, but lots of water's being wasted.
Cordially,
Lawrence R. Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
Dear General Holder,
Believe it or not, I got a call today from Building Maintenance that someone was heading over to the men's room. So I met him there. I think you'll like this story. I started to explain to him what the problem was, as if any remotely sentient being would have had trouble figuring it out, and get this – the guy didn't speak a word of English! Not a word! "No problem," I said to myself. I speak a decent amount of Spanish – I'm not fluent, mind you, but I know a decent amount. So I explained it to him in Spanish. He just stared at me. Then he left a sign on the urinal, and it was written in Chinese – at least, that's what I think it was (could have been Japanese). I was pretty embarrassed.
But the urinal is still running and wasting water. And who's going to be able to read that sign, anyway?
Larry Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
General Holder,
This may sound a little gross, but have you ever heard this? "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." I mention this because it ain't workin' here.
You know, I've always wondered whether that yellow/mellow stuff was just an excuse for guys not to flush after themselves. And personally, I find that really disgusting. But it's all hypothetical now, since Building Maintenance isn't doing a damned thing about the urinal in Rm. 1549.
Larry Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
AG Holder,
Every day, I thank my lucky stars you and the President are in town. I almost said "thank God," but that really isn't appropriate for a government mail system. Separation of church and state, and all that. Which is something that John Ashcroft NEVER cared about when he was here.
I know a fact about Ashcroft that I don't think ever made it to the press. I'll bet you haven't heard this. You know that curtain he put up in front of the statue in the Great Hall with the exposed breast? The curtain was there not because of the breast but to cover a statue of Jesus that he had hidden there, attached to the woman's hip. I saw it with my own two eyes. I almost took matters into my own hands and removed it myself, but I know there are cameras in the Great Hall.
Damn, that made me mad!
Oh, by the way, I totally forgot to check the urinal this morning. Hold on a minute....
Yeah, it's still running.
Larry/Crim
=========================================================
Attorney General Holder,
Speaking of the Great Hall, which I mentioned in my previous message, I heard your speech at the African-American History Month event in the Great Hall back in February, and I say, Bravo! What was it you said? We're a nation of cowards for not speaking about race? I think I'm pretty brave, but I guess I really am a coward.
I don't know if you've heard this about me – it's well known in my section, but I'm not sure it's made its way up to the 5th floor – but I've been having some problems in my marriage. You know, most guys have problems with their mothers in law, but mine is cool. It's my father in law who's the problem. The guy is a total stinking drunk. It's scary! And he's got a foul mouth and is a racist to top it off. When he's drunk, he makes David Duke sound like Martin Luther King, Jr., if you know what I mean. I've had a bunch of run-ins with him, and my wife agrees with me, or so she says, but she's so loyal to him because he's her father, she just sticks up for him all the time. I can't stand it. And it's caused a lot of friction between us.
So how can I not be a coward if speaking about race is causing this kind of trouble for me? I've been mulling that problem since you gave your speech a couple of months ago. Maybe you have an idea?
I've started to think about this conundrum all the time, in the strangest places – like the men's room – which reminds me that Building Maintenance still hasn't fixed the urinal.
LRF/Crim
=========================================================
AG Holder,
May I call you Eric? I feel as if we've become very close after I wrote you about my marital problems. I don't know. I'm a little uncomfortable with it, so you tell me. If you think I'm being too familiar, let me know. OK?
I have to tell you about my latest trouble with Building Maintenance. Today, I called again, and the phone rang four times before it rolled over. Naturally, I expected it to go to voice mail – or perhaps someone's cell phone. But after three more rings, someone picked up and answered, "Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza. Would you like to place an order?"
Domino's! Isn't the owner of Domino's one of those crazy baby-hugging anti-abortion freaks? And the pizza sucks, too. Yuck! That Manhattan Deli place, though, is really good. I recommend it. It's at the Navy Memorial across the street.
So, anyway, no luck with the running urinal today.
Larry
=========================================================
AG Holder,
I know how busy you must be, with all of the things going on at DOJ and having to make decisions about prosecuting former DOJ officials – torture is serious business. But so is this problem with the urinal. I still can't get Building Maintenance here to fix it.
Do you think maybe the Deputy Attorney General could look into this?
Do you think, possibly, he knows Chinese?
Larry
=========================================================
Eric,
You haven't told me I'd be too familiar, so let me call you Eric after all, AG Holder.
If you ever institute a Have-A-Beer-With-A-Career-Guy Day, I'll be the first to volunteer. I'd really love to talk to you in person. I've got strong preferences in beer, and I can show you a couple of truly excellent pubs and bars. Some have great microbrews. I actually ran into Alberto Gonzales at one of them, which almost led me to leave – what a scandal for the Department that he was ever here in the first place, worse than Ed Meese! – you should hear some of my stories about AG/AG. A political hack of the first order.
About the urinal that's still running, I've been thinking about sending in my own plumber, the guy who does a lot of work for me at home. Really talented guy, not too expensive, either. But my section chief told me the cost couldn't be reimbursed, and I probably couldn't get him through security, anyway. Not that he's a terrorist threat or anything. After all, he cut off his ties with Hezbollah nearly five years ago. I just mean that it's hard to get people in the building nowadays.
But tell me what you think of that idea? Suppose I pay for HALF of it myself?
Larry
=========================================================
AG Holder,
You're a miracle worker! Or maybe the DAG is. Whichever of you made it happen.
The urinal has stopped running. It's been fixed! It works again! Funny – I never thought I'd be so excited by a toilet!
I don't know if I should admit this – it might sound a little weird – but I was so excited about this that I stood beside the urinal and flushed it over and over again, just to watch it work. It stopped each time, the way it should.
Thanks again!
Larry
=========================================================
AG Holder,
Maybe it's too soon to bother you again, and if so, I apologize. I'd hate it if you thought I was a pest.
But here's the thing: We're always running out of toner in our machine in the copy room.
Can we talk about this over a beer?
Larry
Dear Attorney General Holder,
This idea of yours to have a suggestion box is brilliant! Thank you so much. It shows that you have confidence in the career staff at DOJ in a way that your predecessors never had. Really, those guys mistrusted us as far as the day is long. I'm so glad to see this change in attitude at the top. And, wow! You're going to personally review as many of our suggestions as possible? I'm very impressed!
My suggestion has to do with wasting water. The urinal on the right in the men's room at Room 1549 in the Main Building won't stop running, and it's wasting a huge amount of water, which is environmentally harmful. Something needs to be done about it.
OK, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "Why doesn't he just call Building Maintenance?" But I have, repeatedly. Whenever you call Building Maintenance, you either get voice mail and they don't call you back or you get some dim, unhelpful person who says they'll get back to you, which of course they don't.
Cordially,
Lawrence R. Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
Dear Attorney General Holder,
The water in the urinal is still running. Surely there must be something that can be done about it. Maybe you can do something?
Cordially,
Lawrence R. Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
Dear General Holder,
I called Building Maintenance again today. Three times, actually. I finally got someone who told me there was an emergency at 1100 L St. and there were no maintenance staff available. Does this make sense? Don't we have enough maintenance personnel to cover more than a single emergency? And it's only one urinal, but lots of water's being wasted.
Cordially,
Lawrence R. Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
Dear General Holder,
Believe it or not, I got a call today from Building Maintenance that someone was heading over to the men's room. So I met him there. I think you'll like this story. I started to explain to him what the problem was, as if any remotely sentient being would have had trouble figuring it out, and get this – the guy didn't speak a word of English! Not a word! "No problem," I said to myself. I speak a decent amount of Spanish – I'm not fluent, mind you, but I know a decent amount. So I explained it to him in Spanish. He just stared at me. Then he left a sign on the urinal, and it was written in Chinese – at least, that's what I think it was (could have been Japanese). I was pretty embarrassed.
But the urinal is still running and wasting water. And who's going to be able to read that sign, anyway?
Larry Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
General Holder,
This may sound a little gross, but have you ever heard this? "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down." I mention this because it ain't workin' here.
You know, I've always wondered whether that yellow/mellow stuff was just an excuse for guys not to flush after themselves. And personally, I find that really disgusting. But it's all hypothetical now, since Building Maintenance isn't doing a damned thing about the urinal in Rm. 1549.
Larry Flambeaux
Criminal Division
=========================================================
AG Holder,
Every day, I thank my lucky stars you and the President are in town. I almost said "thank God," but that really isn't appropriate for a government mail system. Separation of church and state, and all that. Which is something that John Ashcroft NEVER cared about when he was here.
I know a fact about Ashcroft that I don't think ever made it to the press. I'll bet you haven't heard this. You know that curtain he put up in front of the statue in the Great Hall with the exposed breast? The curtain was there not because of the breast but to cover a statue of Jesus that he had hidden there, attached to the woman's hip. I saw it with my own two eyes. I almost took matters into my own hands and removed it myself, but I know there are cameras in the Great Hall.
Damn, that made me mad!
Oh, by the way, I totally forgot to check the urinal this morning. Hold on a minute....
Yeah, it's still running.
Larry/Crim
=========================================================
Attorney General Holder,
Speaking of the Great Hall, which I mentioned in my previous message, I heard your speech at the African-American History Month event in the Great Hall back in February, and I say, Bravo! What was it you said? We're a nation of cowards for not speaking about race? I think I'm pretty brave, but I guess I really am a coward.
I don't know if you've heard this about me – it's well known in my section, but I'm not sure it's made its way up to the 5th floor – but I've been having some problems in my marriage. You know, most guys have problems with their mothers in law, but mine is cool. It's my father in law who's the problem. The guy is a total stinking drunk. It's scary! And he's got a foul mouth and is a racist to top it off. When he's drunk, he makes David Duke sound like Martin Luther King, Jr., if you know what I mean. I've had a bunch of run-ins with him, and my wife agrees with me, or so she says, but she's so loyal to him because he's her father, she just sticks up for him all the time. I can't stand it. And it's caused a lot of friction between us.
So how can I not be a coward if speaking about race is causing this kind of trouble for me? I've been mulling that problem since you gave your speech a couple of months ago. Maybe you have an idea?
I've started to think about this conundrum all the time, in the strangest places – like the men's room – which reminds me that Building Maintenance still hasn't fixed the urinal.
LRF/Crim
=========================================================
AG Holder,
May I call you Eric? I feel as if we've become very close after I wrote you about my marital problems. I don't know. I'm a little uncomfortable with it, so you tell me. If you think I'm being too familiar, let me know. OK?
I have to tell you about my latest trouble with Building Maintenance. Today, I called again, and the phone rang four times before it rolled over. Naturally, I expected it to go to voice mail – or perhaps someone's cell phone. But after three more rings, someone picked up and answered, "Thank you for calling Domino's Pizza. Would you like to place an order?"
Domino's! Isn't the owner of Domino's one of those crazy baby-hugging anti-abortion freaks? And the pizza sucks, too. Yuck! That Manhattan Deli place, though, is really good. I recommend it. It's at the Navy Memorial across the street.
So, anyway, no luck with the running urinal today.
Larry
=========================================================
AG Holder,
I know how busy you must be, with all of the things going on at DOJ and having to make decisions about prosecuting former DOJ officials – torture is serious business. But so is this problem with the urinal. I still can't get Building Maintenance here to fix it.
Do you think maybe the Deputy Attorney General could look into this?
Do you think, possibly, he knows Chinese?
Larry
=========================================================
Eric,
You haven't told me I'd be too familiar, so let me call you Eric after all, AG Holder.
If you ever institute a Have-A-Beer-With-A-Career-Guy Day, I'll be the first to volunteer. I'd really love to talk to you in person. I've got strong preferences in beer, and I can show you a couple of truly excellent pubs and bars. Some have great microbrews. I actually ran into Alberto Gonzales at one of them, which almost led me to leave – what a scandal for the Department that he was ever here in the first place, worse than Ed Meese! – you should hear some of my stories about AG/AG. A political hack of the first order.
About the urinal that's still running, I've been thinking about sending in my own plumber, the guy who does a lot of work for me at home. Really talented guy, not too expensive, either. But my section chief told me the cost couldn't be reimbursed, and I probably couldn't get him through security, anyway. Not that he's a terrorist threat or anything. After all, he cut off his ties with Hezbollah nearly five years ago. I just mean that it's hard to get people in the building nowadays.
But tell me what you think of that idea? Suppose I pay for HALF of it myself?
Larry
=========================================================
AG Holder,
You're a miracle worker! Or maybe the DAG is. Whichever of you made it happen.
The urinal has stopped running. It's been fixed! It works again! Funny – I never thought I'd be so excited by a toilet!
I don't know if I should admit this – it might sound a little weird – but I was so excited about this that I stood beside the urinal and flushed it over and over again, just to watch it work. It stopped each time, the way it should.
Thanks again!
Larry
=========================================================
AG Holder,
Maybe it's too soon to bother you again, and if so, I apologize. I'd hate it if you thought I was a pest.
But here's the thing: We're always running out of toner in our machine in the copy room.
Can we talk about this over a beer?
Larry
July 12, 2009
Mishna. Twittering does not count as blogging, if there are no more than 12 "tweets" a day.
Gemara. Why does the mishna discuss this matter? Is blogging not permitted? Blogging is permitted unless one has sworn a vow not to blog. If one has sworn before witnesses or if one has sworn in a public writing. It is public if there are two witnesses or if one witness can supply a URL. And if the URL is a dead link? Then, it is appropriate to check the Google cache. But R. Yehudah taught: If there has been removal of a document from a URL, one may infer that there is no intention to swear the vow.
What is a day? R. Ashi said: From midnight to midnight. In the opinion of R. Ashi, it is required to use Greenwich mean time. But whose time stamp would R. Ashi use? Some say the time stamp at twitter.com. But the sages said: From 18 minutes before sundown to the coming out of [three] stars. R. Jose objected: A man sends a "tweet" 10 minutes after sundown. This counts for two days according to the sages, but it is only one "tweet." But how may one think of this? A "tweet" is connected to another before or after it. It counts as one, according to what it is connected to. The halakha is in accordance with the sages.
Why 12? A baraita teaches, one for each tribe. R. Shmuel said: One for each two hours. This cannot be correct. A day is more than 24 hours. There is no contradiction. An hour is one-twenty-fourth of a day according to the sages.
Gemara. Why does the mishna discuss this matter? Is blogging not permitted? Blogging is permitted unless one has sworn a vow not to blog. If one has sworn before witnesses or if one has sworn in a public writing. It is public if there are two witnesses or if one witness can supply a URL. And if the URL is a dead link? Then, it is appropriate to check the Google cache. But R. Yehudah taught: If there has been removal of a document from a URL, one may infer that there is no intention to swear the vow.
What is a day? R. Ashi said: From midnight to midnight. In the opinion of R. Ashi, it is required to use Greenwich mean time. But whose time stamp would R. Ashi use? Some say the time stamp at twitter.com. But the sages said: From 18 minutes before sundown to the coming out of [three] stars. R. Jose objected: A man sends a "tweet" 10 minutes after sundown. This counts for two days according to the sages, but it is only one "tweet." But how may one think of this? A "tweet" is connected to another before or after it. It counts as one, according to what it is connected to. The halakha is in accordance with the sages.
Why 12? A baraita teaches, one for each tribe. R. Shmuel said: One for each two hours. This cannot be correct. A day is more than 24 hours. There is no contradiction. An hour is one-twenty-fourth of a day according to the sages.
July 5, 2009
Reply to all
For reasons not worth going into, I ended up on the mailing list for the symphony orchestra at an Ivy League college. I don't use the particular email address often, and I tend to be surprised whenever I check and there's mail for the address.
Today, there were 36 messages.
You know the rest. I had received a mass-mailed message from the orchestra a week ago, with the list addresses in the "To" line instead of the "BCC" line, a mistake I've occasionally made with small lists, and somehow, someone hit "reply to all" and started a chain of messages that grew to well beyond the original 36. This incident had all the telltale signs of the low IQ we've come to expect from the Ivy League:
1. At first, a dozen or so people send around their memories of having played in this symphony orchestra nearly 40 years ago. We'll call this "pre-onset Alzheimer's."
2. Suddenly, people start sending "reply to all" messages that say "remove me from this list" or something like that.
3. One sensible soul sends a message suggesting that the better way of handling it would be to ignore the messages. He says there was obviously an error, and sending "reply to all" messages asking to be removed will just worsen the problem. (I send the guy a reply to him alone, saying that with his common sense, he probably didn't go to the particular Ivy League college.) His plea goes ignored.
4. The "remove me" messages continue to fly.
5. A woman who identifies herself as a law professor specializing in civil rights law does exactly what you would expect: She scolds everyone for burdening the rest of us with their "remove me" messages.
6. The "remove me" messages continue.
7. Someone becomes crude, which was inevitable and surprisingly long in coming: "I think I know the cause of this problem," he writes. "Some douchebag tried to reply to one person but hit REPLY ALL instead? If no one replies then we should be all ok?"
8. The "remove me" messages continue, but no one, fortunately, responds in kind, crudely, at least for a while.
9. Someone sends a message with the subject line "IMPORTANT: [Orchestra] List Removal" and provides a link to unsubscribe. You will not be shocked to learn that this is a Rickroll.
10. Another submitter says, "stop hitting Reply to all. dumbasses" This person has an email address from a daily newspaper from a surrounding county. Freedom of the press, I suppose.
11. Some dude totally loses it, and his exclamation point key gets stuck in the effort: "STOP THIS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Am BEYOND POLITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF THE [orchestra] EVER WANTS A DIME FROM ME STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
12. Someone writes, "i don't know who any of you are but i received about 30 chats." Which possibly qualifies as the most helpful of all the responses.
13. One writer sends a strongly worded letter ordering everyone to stop: "OK. It stops here. Now. DO NOT send ANY messages to these lists. DO NOT send an unsubscribe message - it will just antagonize everyone, as all the other postings have this afternoon, and it will do no good." He goes on to say he will speak to the orchestra manager to get him to set up the lists so that no one else can post. Needless to say, he is ignored, and "remove me" emails continue to multiply.
As of tonight, the number of messages I've received exceeds 100, which is way above the IQ of any of these people.
UPDATE (7/6): I guess the college has been getting some flak over this, because now we've heard from its flack: "Can you please contact me at the Office of Public Affairs. I'd like to discuss best practices and what happened with the email that was sent out this weekend." It goes without saying that this was sent to all.
Today, there were 36 messages.
You know the rest. I had received a mass-mailed message from the orchestra a week ago, with the list addresses in the "To" line instead of the "BCC" line, a mistake I've occasionally made with small lists, and somehow, someone hit "reply to all" and started a chain of messages that grew to well beyond the original 36. This incident had all the telltale signs of the low IQ we've come to expect from the Ivy League:
1. At first, a dozen or so people send around their memories of having played in this symphony orchestra nearly 40 years ago. We'll call this "pre-onset Alzheimer's."
2. Suddenly, people start sending "reply to all" messages that say "remove me from this list" or something like that.
3. One sensible soul sends a message suggesting that the better way of handling it would be to ignore the messages. He says there was obviously an error, and sending "reply to all" messages asking to be removed will just worsen the problem. (I send the guy a reply to him alone, saying that with his common sense, he probably didn't go to the particular Ivy League college.) His plea goes ignored.
4. The "remove me" messages continue to fly.
5. A woman who identifies herself as a law professor specializing in civil rights law does exactly what you would expect: She scolds everyone for burdening the rest of us with their "remove me" messages.
6. The "remove me" messages continue.
7. Someone becomes crude, which was inevitable and surprisingly long in coming: "I think I know the cause of this problem," he writes. "Some douchebag tried to reply to one person but hit REPLY ALL instead? If no one replies then we should be all ok?"
8. The "remove me" messages continue, but no one, fortunately, responds in kind, crudely, at least for a while.
9. Someone sends a message with the subject line "IMPORTANT: [Orchestra] List Removal" and provides a link to unsubscribe. You will not be shocked to learn that this is a Rickroll.
10. Another submitter says, "stop hitting Reply to all. dumbasses" This person has an email address from a daily newspaper from a surrounding county. Freedom of the press, I suppose.
11. Some dude totally loses it, and his exclamation point key gets stuck in the effort: "STOP THIS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Am BEYOND POLITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF THE [orchestra] EVER WANTS A DIME FROM ME STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
12. Someone writes, "i don't know who any of you are but i received about 30 chats." Which possibly qualifies as the most helpful of all the responses.
13. One writer sends a strongly worded letter ordering everyone to stop: "OK. It stops here. Now. DO NOT send ANY messages to these lists. DO NOT send an unsubscribe message - it will just antagonize everyone, as all the other postings have this afternoon, and it will do no good." He goes on to say he will speak to the orchestra manager to get him to set up the lists so that no one else can post. Needless to say, he is ignored, and "remove me" emails continue to multiply.
As of tonight, the number of messages I've received exceeds 100, which is way above the IQ of any of these people.
UPDATE (7/6): I guess the college has been getting some flak over this, because now we've heard from its flack: "Can you please contact me at the Office of Public Affairs. I'd like to discuss best practices and what happened with the email that was sent out this weekend." It goes without saying that this was sent to all.
July 4, 2009
Barack Obama's July 4 proclamation
July 4, 2009
WHEREAS the Declaration of Independence was issued on July 4, 1776;
WHEREAS its principal author, Thomas Jefferson, was a slave-holder and, some say, the father of his slave Sally Hemings's children;
WHEREAS Charles Beard's Economic Interpretation of the Constitution suggests that the Constitution was established as a counter-revolution by moneyed interests against poor farmers and debtors;
WHEREAS the Constitution recognized and accepted the institution of slavery;
WHEREAS slavery was not abolished in this country until after 11 states had seceded from the Union and our nation's second-greatest president had led a civil war against the secessionist states;
WHEREAS former secessionist states enacted "Jim Crow" laws and erected other barriers to equality of former slaves and their descendants;
WHEREAS this nation continued to espouse segregation in its armed forces through World War II;
WHEREAS uneducated forces within this nation continue to oppose our progressive efforts to spread the wealth around a little;
WHEREAS the economic conditions caused by the former administration have impeded our ability to create or save millions of jobs;
WHEREAS reactionary elements in this nation intend to use the July 4 holiday to protest the forward-looking changes effected by this administration;
WHEREAS waterboarding is clearly a form of torture, except when it is used on reactionary elements in this nation;
WHEREAS Israeli settlements are an obstacle to my cap-and-trade legislation;
WHEREAS the Secretary of State needs to be under constant watch;
WHEREAS the First Lady's arms are a sight to behold and very much better in person, especially when she places her hand tightly around one's neck;
WHEREAS Winnie the Pooh's real name is Edward;
WHEREAS we should not be forced to make a false choice between Mary Ann and Ginger;
WHEREAS it is puzzling how sugar cubes can retain their shape of a cube when sugar is granular;
WHEREAS colorless green ideas sleep furiously;
WHEREAS, if my telepromter doesn't stop adding stupid whereases to this proclamation in order embarrass me, I'm going to replace it promptly;
WHEREAS traditional July 4 celebrations include outdoor barbecues, which cause unhealthy charring of meat as well as increased carbon emissions;
WHEREAS hot dogs should be served with a spicy mustard or something like that, or a Dijon mustard, something like that;
WHEREAS the American beer consumed at July 4 barbecues has an excessively watery taste and an unnecessarily high caloric level;
WHEREAS the fireworks that are widespread on or about July 4 have led to the unnecessary prescription of Valium to small dogs and will be strictly regulated under my new health-care plan, although your dog will not be forced to switch his health insurance if he's happy with what he has;
I, BARACK H. OBAMA, Messiah and 1st President of the United States of the Era of Redemption, hereby proclaim that July 4 shall be the day following July 3 in the calendar.
I mean, July 4, what's the big deal about independence from Britain? It's just one colonial-imperialist power telling another colonial-imperialist power to take a hike. What kind of power could England have been, anyway, if you can't even play American DVDs there? Or so I'm told.
I'm a student of history, so I know that when Queen Elizabeth II said, "We are not amused," it spoke volumes about the British people. Perhaps they'd be more amused and smile more if they got their teeth fixed. And have you seen the ears on that doofus prince they have there? They're twice the size of mine. This is the guy who's in line to be king, mind you, the veritable Joe Biden of the British monarchy.
I know it's traditional on July 4 to thank our military men and women for their sacrifices, but they don't understand sacrifice if they haven't been savaged by Fox News on a daily basis. Besides, I'm doing my best to bring as many of them home as possible from our losing battles in Iraq and Afghanistan. Just the other day, Jim Jones was saying to me that the colonels in Afghanistan are asking for more troops, not fewer. And I was, like, "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?" And then suddenly it occurred to me: I don't even know WTF "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" means. Which is why I always do my best to stay far away from military matters.
So I think this day should be a time of reflection. A time to reflect upon the flaws in our nation's history, our repeated illegal and immoral interventions in the affairs of other nations, our mistreatment of our minority citizens and our poor. I urge all Americans to use this day to find some of the 6 billion or so non-Americans in this world and tell them how sorry you are. SRSLY, try it. Look for the meanest, most murderous, eyeball-popping hate merchant you can find and tell him, "Dude, I'm sorry about what my country did to you, but we inherited that stuff from the Bush Administration." And then, give him a hug.
Barack H. Obama
.
June 22, 2009
Top ten rejected descriptions of Iranian protests
Barack Obama, June 12
A lot of us have have opinions on Obama's response to the Iranian protests this past week that are based on our strong opinions of him, formed during the late presidential campaign. So I think it would be helpful to come up with an objective standard to decide whether his response has been appropriate or not. I suggest the following: Has he been stronger in his response than the French and Germans? OK, well, I guess we've settled that now.
Yes, I've read the Messiah's more recent statement, too: "'We call on the Iranian government to stop all violent and unjust actions against its own people,' Obama said in a written statement. 'The universal rights to assembly and free speech must be respected, and the United States stands with all who seek to exercise those rights.'" It's the old "we call on" of the State Department, the cold-blooded, emotionless "we call on" of the "diplomacy über alles" crowd that thinks the cause of stability and our desire to chat with totalitarians should not be threatened by standing up for freedom.
I've been mulling this idea of "robust debate" for a while, and I think it must have been the product of long meetings at which other terms to use for protesters in the streets meeting brutal and violent repression. Perhaps they even focus-grouped the phrase with volunteers from the foreign service and the Iranian Assembly of Experts.
So with the winning description "robust debate," I humbly present to you the Top Ten Rejected Phrases For What's Happening On The Streets Of Tehran.
10. Earnest negotiations.
9. Respectful persuasion.
8. Socratic dialogue.
7. Shakespearean monologue.
6. Talmudic argumentation.
5. Synchronized swimming.
4. Frenetic square dancing.
3. Bitchin' rave.
2. Drunken reveling.
And the number one rejected phrase is: Brutal and violent repression of the Iranian people.
From the "Couldn't Be Any Worse" Department: The weenie roast with Iranian officials at U.S. embassies is still on for July 4. Nothing's changed recently, eh?
June 17, 2009
Underwear with firepower
Retiring from blogging was easy. But every once in a while, I come across a story that is so "Pillage Idiot" that I wonder how I'm going to be able to allow it to pass. So I don't.
Two words: Tactical corsets. (via Ace)
BoingBoing describes this gizmo as "a corset that's bulletproof, comes with pistol holster, pepper spray holster, and an 'interrogation pouch.'" Can you say "under armor"? (No relation to the athletic wear manufacturer.)
Sadly, the corset company's website sucks major eggs; the internal links don't seem to work for me on any of the three browsers I use. This image, though, is a classic:
Now, maybe you're a guy who's wondering how he could be attracted to a woman who wears a corset. Listen to me: You've heard of Gordon Liddy's cheesecake calendar "Stacked and Packed"? This lends new meaning to the term "packed." I'd almost like to order one myself, although just for the storage space, mind you. Guess I'll have to wait till they come out with a tactical jock strap.
Last summer, I put a post up at Pillage Idiot describing a German "bullet-resistant" bra. Feel free to click through. Or not. I noted an article there that describes " the world's first - and so far only - combined brassiere and gun holster," which also holds pepper spray. And I suggested that if such a bra had been designed in Germany, it would have been called:
ein Pfefferspritzpistolentaschebüstenhalter
Maybe it wasn't funny the first time, but I felt an urge to use that word again.
BONUS: Not quite related, except in immaturity level. You know how certain types of hard bicycle seats can cause discomfort in sensitive anatomical regions, like Union County, New Jersey? Here's a video that answers a similar question posed by Ace: "FAQ: How Can I Alleviate Some of the Pressure on My Sensitive Genitals While Sitting at the Computer?"
True excerpt from the video: "Loose trousers are best. Try without underwear."
Ace says, "Good call on the narrator. When you're discussing genitals, you want a narrator with an unplaceable and creepy foreign accent." Be sure to read the comments after watching the video.
And Mind the Gap!
Two words: Tactical corsets. (via Ace)
BoingBoing describes this gizmo as "a corset that's bulletproof, comes with pistol holster, pepper spray holster, and an 'interrogation pouch.'" Can you say "under armor"? (No relation to the athletic wear manufacturer.)
Sadly, the corset company's website sucks major eggs; the internal links don't seem to work for me on any of the three browsers I use. This image, though, is a classic:
Now, maybe you're a guy who's wondering how he could be attracted to a woman who wears a corset. Listen to me: You've heard of Gordon Liddy's cheesecake calendar "Stacked and Packed"? This lends new meaning to the term "packed." I'd almost like to order one myself, although just for the storage space, mind you. Guess I'll have to wait till they come out with a tactical jock strap.
Last summer, I put a post up at Pillage Idiot describing a German "bullet-resistant" bra. Feel free to click through. Or not. I noted an article there that describes " the world's first - and so far only - combined brassiere and gun holster," which also holds pepper spray. And I suggested that if such a bra had been designed in Germany, it would have been called:
ein Pfefferspritzpistolentaschebüstenhalter
Maybe it wasn't funny the first time, but I felt an urge to use that word again.
BONUS: Not quite related, except in immaturity level. You know how certain types of hard bicycle seats can cause discomfort in sensitive anatomical regions, like Union County, New Jersey? Here's a video that answers a similar question posed by Ace: "FAQ: How Can I Alleviate Some of the Pressure on My Sensitive Genitals While Sitting at the Computer?"
True excerpt from the video: "Loose trousers are best. Try without underwear."
Ace says, "Good call on the narrator. When you're discussing genitals, you want a narrator with an unplaceable and creepy foreign accent." Be sure to read the comments after watching the video.
And Mind the Gap!
June 2, 2009
Some questions for Sonia Sotomayor
In case you've spent the past few weeks on Phobos, one of the two moons of Mars, let me bring you up to date.
The President's nominee for the Supreme Court, Judge Sonia Sotomayor, said in a speech in 2002 that "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life." [UPDATE 6/3: She said something similar in 1994, too.]
I would offer a few questions for the judge to answer.
1. Does this apply to Latinos, too? That is, would a wise Latino man with the richness of his experiences also reach a better conclusion than a white man?
2. If so, would a wise Latina reach a better conclusion than a wise Latino, or would they reach equally good conclusions? Who has richer experiences?
3. Does it matter which background the wise Latina comes from? Would Latinas of Puerto Rican descent with the richness of their experiences reach equally good conclusions with Latinas of Mexican or Cuban descent with the richness of their experiences?
4. Would a wise African-American judge, with the richness of his (or her) experiences, also reach a better conclusion than a white man? Better than a white woman? Better or worse than a Latina?
5. Please rank wise judges from the following ethnic or racial groups of men and women in order of the quality of conclusions they would reach, given the relative richness or poverty of their experiences, starting from the highest and ending at the lowest:
(a) White men.
(b) White women.
(c) Latinas.
(d) Latinos.
(e) African-American men.
(f) African-American women.
(g) Chinese-Americans.
(h) Hawaiian/Asian-Pacific Islanders.
(i) Native Americans.
(j) Arab-Americans.
(k) Jewish women.
(l) Jewish men.
6. On a scale of 1 to 100, where 1 is a person with terminally impoverished experiences and 100 is a person with experiences that are rich beyond imagination, please assign a number to each of the racial and ethnic groups you have ranked in answer to question 5.
7. All three of Obama's nominees to the courts of appeals have been men. Will the one African-American man with the richness of his experiences reach better conclusions than the two white men? If so, couldn't the President have nominated men or women with richer experiences than theirs?
Thank you.
The President's nominee for the Supreme Court, Judge Sonia Sotomayor, said in a speech in 2002 that "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life." [UPDATE 6/3: She said something similar in 1994, too.]
I would offer a few questions for the judge to answer.
1. Does this apply to Latinos, too? That is, would a wise Latino man with the richness of his experiences also reach a better conclusion than a white man?
2. If so, would a wise Latina reach a better conclusion than a wise Latino, or would they reach equally good conclusions? Who has richer experiences?
3. Does it matter which background the wise Latina comes from? Would Latinas of Puerto Rican descent with the richness of their experiences reach equally good conclusions with Latinas of Mexican or Cuban descent with the richness of their experiences?
4. Would a wise African-American judge, with the richness of his (or her) experiences, also reach a better conclusion than a white man? Better than a white woman? Better or worse than a Latina?
5. Please rank wise judges from the following ethnic or racial groups of men and women in order of the quality of conclusions they would reach, given the relative richness or poverty of their experiences, starting from the highest and ending at the lowest:
(a) White men.
(b) White women.
(c) Latinas.
(d) Latinos.
(e) African-American men.
(f) African-American women.
(g) Chinese-Americans.
(h) Hawaiian/Asian-Pacific Islanders.
(i) Native Americans.
(j) Arab-Americans.
(k) Jewish women.
(l) Jewish men.
6. On a scale of 1 to 100, where 1 is a person with terminally impoverished experiences and 100 is a person with experiences that are rich beyond imagination, please assign a number to each of the racial and ethnic groups you have ranked in answer to question 5.
7. All three of Obama's nominees to the courts of appeals have been men. Will the one African-American man with the richness of his experiences reach better conclusions than the two white men? If so, couldn't the President have nominated men or women with richer experiences than theirs?
Thank you.
May 18, 2009
Pick a good one
Back in the glory days when Bobby Valentine was the manager of the New York Mets, one could always count on him for entertainment.
Like here, for example, where he's apparently signaling his hitter on a 3-0 count to "pick a good one."
So tell me now. What is it with the Messiah and his consigliere that they feel the need to signal "pick a good one"? Does it have something to do with picking a new Supreme Court justice?
Or is it just that they personally feel that need that must be satisfied -- the need we've all felt since the age of, oh, maybe two -- the need to pick a good one?
Possibly related: A blast from the past: The Messianic salute. Obama nonchalantly flips off Hillary and McCain during the presidential campaign.
Like here, for example, where he's apparently signaling his hitter on a 3-0 count to "pick a good one."
So tell me now. What is it with the Messiah and his consigliere that they feel the need to signal "pick a good one"? Does it have something to do with picking a new Supreme Court justice?
Or is it just that they personally feel that need that must be satisfied -- the need we've all felt since the age of, oh, maybe two -- the need to pick a good one?
Possibly related: A blast from the past: The Messianic salute. Obama nonchalantly flips off Hillary and McCain during the presidential campaign.
May 10, 2009
Always a silver lining
In 1981, his first year in office, Reagan pushed sweeping tax cuts through Congress. To get the necessary votes, Reagan had to agree to phase in the cuts over three years, starting in July 1981. I still remember the TV news coverage in May or June 1981, in which serious-faced news people -- Dan Rather comes to mind -- complained that Reagan's tax cuts weren't working (even though they hadn't yet gone into effect).
Contrast that with the breathless coverage of the Messiah's current economic plans. And in particular, contrast it with the headlines about continuing increases in the unemployment rate. (I'm far from the first to notice the tenor of current news coverage.)
I always laugh when the "progressives" say that news coverage is biased in favor of the right, because corporations own TV stations and newspapers. Anyone with the slightest analytical ability would realize that these news sources are totally in the tank for the man. Just from this Saturday's front pages:
WaPo, May 9: "In Poor Jobs Numbers, Hints of Improvement"
NY Times, May 9: "U.S. Jobless Rate Hits 8.9%, but Pace Eases"
So, of course, I started pondering what the headlines might have been for important events in history if Obama had been president at the time. Feel free to add your own headlines in the comments.
August 25, 1814: "British Troops Set Fire To White House, But Are Expected to Leave Washington Promptly"
December 21, 1860: "S.C. Legislature Votes to Secede from Union / Northern States Vow to Remain"
April 15, 1912: "Ocean Liner Titanic Sinks, Killing 1500 / First Major Accident in 35 Years"
October 30, 1929: "Market Drops Another 11 Percent, Less Than Yesterday's 12 Percent Loss"
December 8, 1941: "Japanese Planes Bomb Pearl Harbor / Many of Injured Expected to Survive"
June 14, 1980: "Candidate Reagan Decries 22% 'Misery Index', But Experts Trace Problem to Ford Era Policy"
September 13, 2001: "Fires Continue to Burn at Trade Center Site / No New Attacks on Next Day"
UPDATE (6/7): It continues....
New York Times, June 6: "Hints of Hope Even as Jobless Rate Jumps to 9.4%"
Washington Post, June 6: "Jobless Rate Rises, but Pace of Losses Slows"
Contrast that with the breathless coverage of the Messiah's current economic plans. And in particular, contrast it with the headlines about continuing increases in the unemployment rate. (I'm far from the first to notice the tenor of current news coverage.)
I always laugh when the "progressives" say that news coverage is biased in favor of the right, because corporations own TV stations and newspapers. Anyone with the slightest analytical ability would realize that these news sources are totally in the tank for the man. Just from this Saturday's front pages:
WaPo, May 9: "In Poor Jobs Numbers, Hints of Improvement"
NY Times, May 9: "U.S. Jobless Rate Hits 8.9%, but Pace Eases"
So, of course, I started pondering what the headlines might have been for important events in history if Obama had been president at the time. Feel free to add your own headlines in the comments.
August 25, 1814: "British Troops Set Fire To White House, But Are Expected to Leave Washington Promptly"
December 21, 1860: "S.C. Legislature Votes to Secede from Union / Northern States Vow to Remain"
April 15, 1912: "Ocean Liner Titanic Sinks, Killing 1500 / First Major Accident in 35 Years"
October 30, 1929: "Market Drops Another 11 Percent, Less Than Yesterday's 12 Percent Loss"
December 8, 1941: "Japanese Planes Bomb Pearl Harbor / Many of Injured Expected to Survive"
June 14, 1980: "Candidate Reagan Decries 22% 'Misery Index', But Experts Trace Problem to Ford Era Policy"
September 13, 2001: "Fires Continue to Burn at Trade Center Site / No New Attacks on Next Day"
UPDATE (6/7): It continues....
New York Times, June 6: "Hints of Hope Even as Jobless Rate Jumps to 9.4%"
Washington Post, June 6: "Jobless Rate Rises, but Pace of Losses Slows"
