If Barack Obama were Jewish, instead of the Second Coming of Jesus: Retirement Edition

Obama (shouting into his cell phone): . . . no, Ma . . . no . . . no . . . Ma, what do you mean? . . . what do you mean, what was I doing in Copenhagen? . . . Ma . . . Ma . . . don't you read the papers? . . . the Olympics, Ma . . . Chicago . . . no, Ma . . no, not drugs . . . Ma! . . . Ma, that's Amsterdam, Ma . . . not Copenhagen . . . no . . . yeah, Ma, been clean since law school . . . Olympics, Ma . . . no, Ma . . . didn't you hear? . . . we didn't get 'em . . . no, Ma . . . yeah . . . yeah . . . they told us . . . they said we were close . . . but . . . no, Ma . . . yeah . . . they lied, Ma . . . f***ing anti-semites, Ma . . . what? . . . oh, sorry, Ma . . . yeah, bad word, Ma . . . Ma? . . . don't hang up . . . Ma! . . . s***!