Top ten rejected descriptions of Iranian protests

"'And whoever ends up winning the election in Iran, the fact that there's been a robust debate hopefully will help advance our ability to engage them in new ways,' [Obama] added."

Barack Obama, June 12

A lot of us have have opinions on Obama's response to the Iranian protests this past week that are based on our strong opinions of him, formed during the late presidential campaign. So I think it would be helpful to come up with an objective standard to decide whether his response has been appropriate or not. I suggest the following: Has he been stronger in his response than the French and Germans? OK, well, I guess we've settled that now.

Yes, I've read the Messiah's more recent statement, too: "'We call on the Iranian government to stop all violent and unjust actions against its own people,' Obama said in a written statement. 'The universal rights to assembly and free speech must be respected, and the United States stands with all who seek to exercise those rights.'" It's the old "we call on" of the State Department, the cold-blooded, emotionless "we call on" of the "diplomacy über alles" crowd that thinks the cause of stability and our desire to chat with totalitarians should not be threatened by standing up for freedom.

I've been mulling this idea of "robust debate" for a while, and I think it must have been the product of long meetings at which other terms to use for protesters in the streets meeting brutal and violent repression. Perhaps they even focus-grouped the phrase with volunteers from the foreign service and the Iranian Assembly of Experts.

So with the winning description "robust debate," I humbly present to you the Top Ten Rejected Phrases For What's Happening On The Streets Of Tehran.

10. Earnest negotiations.

9. Respectful persuasion.

8. Socratic dialogue.

7. Shakespearean monologue.

6. Talmudic argumentation.

5. Synchronized swimming.

4. Frenetic square dancing.

3. Bitchin' rave.

2. Drunken reveling.

And the number one rejected phrase is: Brutal and violent repression of the Iranian people.




From the "Couldn't Be Any Worse" Department: The weenie roast with Iranian officials at U.S. embassies is still on for July 4. Nothing's changed recently, eh?